Life 2 You and Me

NOT tha Bizness

2011-06-09T15:21:00.010-04:00

2 Corinthians 12:8-10

"Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

God says that his grace is sufficient for Paul's struggles. He tells him that His power is made perfect in weakness.

Paul responded by resolving to boast in his weaknesses so that the power of Christ may rest upon him. For Christ's sake, Paul seeks to be be content in weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities.

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I came to a conclusion while meditating a day back. I've seen this passage a dozen times. It has always seemed like a cool concept. Boasting in weaknesses and all. It has always seemed liberating and highest level of being authentic to who you are. "What does it mean practically for

someone like myself," I'd wonder. "Surely, I don't

want to put all of my secrets, faults, and weak points out in the world. That'd be reckless." I've always tried to project an image of godliness, strength, and maturity. Boasting in my weaknesses, publicly, would be counterproductive to who I want others to think I am. So I reasoned that this isn't what he meant.

I don't have much revelatory info to give, or secrets to let out of the bag. This is merely my public and private acknowledgement that this passage simultaneously scares and excites me.

So far, I've learned how to adapt and thrive in situations that are not pleasant. This has been much of my life. What else is there to do, however, while you wait for superman, while you wait for someone to ease the heartache?

A crime has been committed, and you're hit

The police have been called

The time is limited, each second steals your humanity

You cry out and people surround you, they touch you but you can't feel

There are no sirens approaching

Hope has faded

Instead of fighting the darkness, you turn yourself over completely

You get up, but you quickly realize that you're just a shadow

The shadow form does not seek absolution. It does not seek permission to heal before pressing forward. The shadow leaves the weak and needy body. What the body was unable to achieve, the shadow has already won: contentment. To want nothing more IS satisfaction. This also includes a contentment with the painful tension that surrounds life.

Before, in your strength, you sought release from the pressure and for the circumstances to change. When you discover they probably will not change, what will you do? How will you cope?

Accept God's power and promises, especially as the circumstance cements itself in permanence. Anything other than this is your strength and the result is pain and disappointment. The crowd around your wounded body is not there for you! People will not save you. Indeed they cannot. Do not try to change who you are--the failures and weaknesses are tied to your strengths and successes.

This, I have learned to accept, and I feel darker. I don't feel jaded or confused. I don't feel nearly as weak as I have before. Life has a broader meaning when you don't look to others to supply it, when you don't look to healing or your circumstances to be altered. When people say you've changed. Thank them. You've reached another level, and you didn't need them at all. Indeed! People will only stifle this kinda progress.

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It's only after tearing off the self-made scabs that I placed over my wounds that I can achieve a deeper healing. The tension, the drama....the ride that is uncertain and painful, but contentment will be my companion. Where will we stop next!

Sadly forever and always Friday.

2011-05-20T23:12:00.005-04:00

Candor is not something I usually lack. I am an open book. I write prose and poetry. I paint with emotion and meaning, offering up explanations to anyone who shows interest. I am congruent inside and out. Until recent events and subsequent revelations, this is what I thought of myself.

Best attributes: Compassion (9/10), Love (7/10), Perseverance (7/10)
Worst attributes: Strong emotions on both ends of spectrum (9/10), Social Discontentment(9/10)

I feel that those who know me best, know these things. If someone where to examine my art work or give a cursory reading of this very blog, they will discover me laid bare.

Well, kinda.

It's funny how vulnerable I am to the perceptions of others. I ultimately take the constructive remarks and disregard the destructive. Sometimes, however, I am forced to deal with the opinions that are hurtful and, I find to be, untrue to the inner core of who I am.

Android
You know, like a robot. Perhaps I didn't cry enough at a funeral. Perhaps I give awkward handshakes and shy away from physical contact. Maybe it's my decision to be abstinent and obedient to God's word. Perhaps its because I don't date often. Whatever the case, I can come off as cold and heartless. A robot who functions without the need for physical contact or human emotions. This is my life's contradiction! I have no idea how exactly I give off this vibe, but I've been told exactly this by three people. One has known me for four years, and two have known me for over a year. I hear this information and become angry (doesn't that disprove the statement? Ya know, anger?).

We have so many hangups. You never know what someone is struggling with. What others may verbally deny, I deny with my body language and demeanor. I type this post near midnight not as some cry for attention or sympathy. I just need to clear the noggin--it's been full for a while now.

I love church. I love the romantic idea of authentic community. Ya know, rarely experienced but much talked about. Much preached about, but almost unnecessary in today's hustle and bustle. I admit that I easily get caught up. I have since becoming a believer six years ago. The fantastical notion that everyone will be invited into the fold of love and community. The greatest will wait for the lowliest to arrive to serve him. Ya know, things the Bible speak of. Lofty and all.

To bridge the theory to reality, I sometimes tell myself as a calming agent that I'm simply too intense and impractical. What is this life-on-life thing really about anyways? "It certainly isn't meant to be taken literally. Because, ya know, my life is an impenetrable bubble of self interest, doing churchy things until I grow either tired or bored, and set boundaries." Big. Boundaries. Unreturned phone calls. Ignored text messages. Facebook updates. Never inviting, always ignoring.

In a move to protect myself, I've examined my standards for allowing people into my life. I found that an open door leads to trouble. If you wait inside the door for anyone driving by with 100% of who you are....when your attempts rarely get reciprocated, you'll be disappointed. I've learned to discern between someone who just wants to wave as they drive by and someone who wants to come in.

Did you see that? They just drove by! I invited them in. They spoke of coming in. A nice sermonette was offered up too! Perhaps my house was too dirty. Meh. All that we were going to do was bullshit one another out of pity and start the countdown.

Maybe my desperation is known. I mean, how else is a believer supposed to survive out here? Sitting alone and reading the Bible is not an end. It is a mean. Personal study is not an end. It is a mean.

I love missional movements. I love when believers embrace the calling to live on mission. If you've ever done any sort of work overseas, life just feels different. There's a distinct mission mind--goals, purposeful prayers--and most of all...a strong community of like-minded folks, building one another up to witness and minster to others. To survive and not lose hope. I've tried. I have failed. Thus, I go on mission alone.

This is my romance: to be obedient to God and my calling to help people...without God's church adhering to my standards. To find happiness in him, even if it may never come from much intimacy here.

Even that sounded sad.

The Hole that Won't Stop Hurting

2011-03-02T18:29:00.004-05:00

There's a lot going on in my personal life, and I'd love to share all of it, but I've had a running thought for the past few weeks. I need to get this off my chest now. Please watch the embedded video.

I wonder what you think after watching this video. I wonder if it sparked interest or anger, sadness or judgment. I doubt the singer, Marsha Ambrosius, expects this video to change the world. I doubt she even expects this video to reach people in a way that gets beyond the instant, adverse reaction many people have to two dudes kissing. I dunno. However, it is clear that she is emotionally tied to the issues affecting homosexuals and bullying. The lyrics, emotion, and letter that closes the video all convey her passion for righting what she sees to be as a very large wrong.

I had my art show a month ago, and I moved to Atlanta half a year ago. My time there has been eye-opening. If many of you are unaware, ATL is often referred to as the gay mecca. Atlanta was recently voted the most Gay-Friendly City in America (Here). So, this is something I've come to terms with. It hasn't been very hard. In fact, I have many openly gay and closeted friends. Many of them have been better friends to me than my Christian brothers and sisters. I say this with a reserved pride and sadness. In the time since the art show, I've been confronted by many people about the company that I keep. This is fine. I love to talk, and I especially love to talk about things I'm passionate and educated about. Great! In speaking with people (some are believers and some aren't), I've noticed a trend: irrational, deeply personal fear and hatred towards gay people.

I want to speak to believers, because I am one. As followers of Christ, we share a higher authority that I can appeal to. I assume, to many folks, homosexuality is a scary and nasty thing. It's a perversion of something that was instituted by God. It is abnormal, sick, and in all cases--damnable. Every time Christianity and homosexuality are linked in my mind, I'm reminded of those awful "GOD HATES FAGS" signs. This makes me sad. I am sad because I know that believers are missing an awesome opportunity to meet the very real needs of very real people. To minister to the lost. Instead, many of us adopt the same mindsets and phobias that bullies do. We unknowingly associate with those who genuinely hate faggots when we succumb to fear and ignorance.

I have a question: who exactly is responsible for the homosexual who commits suicide? In a spiritual sense, who is guilty, when we don't stand up for someone's humanity?

When I was in undergrad, I often went to Gay-Straight Alliance meetings. I was shocked to hear the stories of the men and women there. They were often full of emotion, and nearly everyone there shared their open wounds and complications with blending faith and lifestyle. With all of this spiritual talk, you'd think we were at a church! But nope...we were at a pretty secular organization meeting, trying to make sense of the lot many people were given in this life.

How about this: Instead of being fearful of homosexuality, we as believers educate ourselves. Instead of devaluing the relationships that gay people have, we acknowledge that they can be really fulfilling and loving--that these bonds can be really genuine and meaningful. Believers don't have to deny this! It's a fact. We as believers are to show EVERYONE that despite how great or sucky their life is now, there is an even more satisfying love that they can have. A love that will last, that will accept them where they are and for who they are...you know, I've noticed that gay people tend to be a lot more open about the drama in their life than straight people. My gay friends won't hesitate to tell me that they're life is a wreck...AND MEAN IT! Sometimes tearful, sometimes more contemplative. But they, like us all, are trying to get through what can be a very difficult existence. What an opportunity to pour in! What commendable openness and acknowledgement of the broken human nature of depravity!

I guess it's easy to forget that we are all broken and in search of love. Some people's paths lead them into the arms of someone their own sex. So what! But this person has just as much value as you and I, and they need to know of the greater awesomeness of God's love. This is a very personal subject for me because I was picked on a lot throughout school. I was bullied very badly, and at one point I did contemplate harming others and even suicide. We as believers need to reach people! Damn. I feel sorry for those who couldn't imagine life differently, killing themselves. Someone's sexuality has nothing to do with their humanity...nothing to do with their worth before God. Let us engage people of all types. I wish I had known about the grace and forgiveness of God back then!

This video and story deeply touch me, and I hope this post causes you to rethink how you look at this important issue. If only slightly.

Solo Art Show!

2010-12-13T23:05:00.005-05:00

This is my "coming out" as an artist. After years of freelancing and working behind the scenes, I am proud to present a svelte, yet diverse body of work that represents who I am as a person and artist--past, present, and future.

[Vain•glo•ry | noun]
Inordinate pride in oneself or one's achievements; excessive vanity.

[Cow•ard | noun]
A person who lacks the courage to do or endure dangerous or unpleasant things.

I feel that in many ways, a lot of people may struggle with being Vainglorious Cowards. If you have ever felt that you were meant to be more than what you ended up becoming--that God has gifted you in some small or great way--yet you cower behind conformity and ease, comfort and familiarity, you may fit this description. As my 25th year of life comes to a close, I am just beginning to break free of this debilitating fear!

Come celebrate with me--and buy a few art pieces as well

The Cry

2010-11-30T23:40:00.005-05:00

Hello again! This is weird. Me blogging twice, back-to-back?! CRAZINESS.

Well, today I was really moved while reading The Cry, Word Made Flesh's quarterly advocacy journal. I want to share the passage here, but please download/print/view the full journal. Make the time, because it is full of amazing stories of redemption and suffering with a purpose. Here.

The excerpt

(actually, most of the letter) below is borrowed from Brian Langley's "Into the Shibboleth."

"One day I was walking with a group of friends through the streets of Lima, when a young man came rushing up to me, agitated and frustrated. I immediately perceived that what he wanted most was someone who would listen. His arms, darkened from dirt, countless cheap tattoos and the relentless sun exposure that the poor suffer under daily, began to flail as he recounted the previous night’s events in the police station.

“You don’t understand how they beat me,” became a common phrase as his story and emotions wound tighter.
“Of course I don’t” was my best offering.

Replaying those mental tapes for me seemed to be healing him, enabling him to know that there was someone out there who would listen to deep pain with respect and attentiveness. So both of us, he at first and then I, found ourselves sharing the sense of fury at the injustice of what had taken place: A young man beaten by the police had harmed no one, had broken no law.

Showing me a large bruise on his upper arm, stretched out to his side as it was, he then lifted his other arm horizontal and exclaimed, “I was suffering at the hands of the police just like Jesus suffered, unjustly and without cause.”

Something like an electrical shock raced through my body, carrying the high voltage of criticism and judgment, for this young man was no stranger to me. I knew that he had been in and out of prison for crimes he did, in fact, commit, that he chose to steal on a daily basis instead of working honorably, that his drug addiction left him unable and, most days, unwilling to live responsibly. What a brazen comparison to identify his sufferings with those of Jesus Christ, who Christians affirm to have lived a truly innocent and blameless life!

I became caught up in straightening out his view of himself and God as my most important Christian duty. Having become engrossed in my new task as God’s self-appointed doctrinal deputy, my respect for his sufferings and attentiveness to the reality he was living faded — in fact, we both noticed this crack growing between us. It was a crack that I created, first marked by my commitment to the truth, but now a growing chasm that divided us because I lost sight of love. We parted ways, and he has never approached me again. He moved on still in pain, surely feeling terribly misunderstood, and now judged. Could things have gone differently? Can the truth be spoken and lived in our relationships without opening up chasms of judgment and suffering?

We believe that God had people just like these friends of ours in mind when we read the words of Jesus, “I tell you the truth, the tax collectors and prostitutes are entering the Kingdom of heaven ahead of you” (Matt. 21:32). How could Jesus say that to be “the truth”? How can we say that? We might say now, as was said then, that this is not only an audacious but also a scandalous teaching. To say that people who are socially stigmatized, known to commit evil deeds, possibly living in sin or lacking a correct understanding of the meaning of salvation, might be entering into eternal life, much less ahead of others, falls on the ears of the upright, the successful and the good-doers as unthinkable."

This passage speaks a lot of truth to me. The writer makes really great observations. How many times have we taken a shaky situation, a shaky person and put a metaphorical line in the sand--building a chasm between ourselves and others. How many times have I placed myself on a higher moral/theological ground in order to separate myself from someone else? Even someone suffering? Is it easier to correct someone versus identifying with whatever they're going through?

While checking out the passage in Matthew from this letter, I was reminded of something stated in James: that mercy triumphs over judgement. In James 2:1-12, we are all shone that partiality is a sin. We are reminded fulfill the royal law and lover our neighbor as ourselves. This will be difficult if we constantly build and maintain divisions between ourselves and those we wish to reach for Christ.

Just some midnight thoughts.

The Challenge

2010-11-28T19:35:00.004-05:00

I can't believe that it's been five months since my last post. Many things in my life have changed since then. I refuse cliches, and I hate oversimplifications, but I struggle to find a better way of saying this: God is on it! He is in complete control! If only I could live this reality every day. Every single day of my life--in the face of fear and uncertainty, in the moments of praise and total adoration. He is worthy of so much more than this one man's life.

Okay....had to get that out. I had to let that one go, because I am living God's faithfulness. Wow.

Since the last post, I was making plans to attend a grad school near middle Georgia. This plan was scrapped because I was offered a job in Atlanta the day before I was going to move away to school. I've been working the job (sometimes very stressful, always demanding, and never uneventful) since then, getting acclimated to life in a big city. My own place, my own.....everything. It's been an experience that I haven't had to endure alone. I've had the amazing Church body help me. Great and godly people from East Point Church and Blueprint have helped make this one of my most beneficial and fruitful season on growth since becoming a believer. It is a beautiful thing to be able to move somewhere and pick up with people who you don't know at all aside from Christ. I love how unifying He is. I love how, when He is the center of community, not much else matters. In this period of professional and personal success, I am prompted to type this post--a moment of introspection made public.

At this high point in life, I must fiercely battle the pull to conform to this world and its ways. A life and death battle where the person God created me to be fights against who I've become.

Two things that I've compromised over the months/years is my absolute God-given passion for mission work and adoption. I find it tough to describe these desires, and so I'm not even going to fumble at this keyboard for the right words. So I'm just going to offer a challenge (one that I've taken already) to others.

Support a missionary. There are many needs overseas. Two of my favorites are Word Made Flesh (AMAZING organization that stresses simplicity and serving Jesus among the poorest of the poor around the world. Please read their quarterly webzine and be inspired by stories from what God is doing amidst some of the worst suffering around the world). The other is Gospel for Asia (Another AMAZING organization, focusing on native missionaries and empowering people to reach their own). Just two of countless many. If we are all honest, we can find $30 a month. We can pack a lunch, skip an unnecessary dinner out (knowing we have groceries at home), make it a netflix night in...or whatever! To find a person's heart, follow the money trail.

Next is something that I feel so strongly about many people that know me are probably tired of talking to me about it. Adoption. Yep. I plan on doing it soon. It can't wait. It's something I pray about, dream about, and literally can't think about without a big dumb smile. I want to challenge every believer that I come into contact with the notion of adoption--that we are called to care for the orphans and widows (not the State). It's our privilege to throw aside worldly pursuits/luxuries so that others may come to the knowledge of the Lord through our love and generosity, hospitality and sacrifice. So if you're sitting in an empty nest, thinking you've done your duty, struggling to naturally conceive, or have a big open house, please consider adopting. It is one of the most beautiful expressions of God's adoption of all believers.

Check out this video! I mean, how crazy beautiful is this?! Yeah...so I need to get me a good woman like this so that we can replicate this (maybe not so many....but who knows?!)

Peace yall!

LOVEMERCYFREEDOM&GRACE

The Lead Up

2010-06-06T18:28:00.009-04:00

The past few posts that I've made are basically about the same thing. I constantly try to challenge my understanding of where and how my faith intersects with the many dreadful realities of this existence. Before, I posted about two African stowaways who died on plane promising freedom and rescue. I also posted about the many homeless people I encountered while in Atlanta on a trip, and where charitable giving begins and ends amidst addiction, hustles, and genuine need. Lastly, I posted about our universal connectedness as humans, and how our frailties can unite us in passion and empathy for one another. These have been my thoughts for the past few months, and I can't shake them. Truthfully, I'd rather just draw a blank. Similar to when I can't remember a name, or when what I did yesterday seems too far in the past to remember. Yeah...it's my reality, people. But when I'd rather draw a blank and not be tortured by thoughts and plans, schemes and concerns, my bad memory provides no relief. So then I begin to believe that perhaps God is telling me something--trying to create a change in me and perhaps whoever reads this post. Perhaps.

And all of these revelations have brought me to this post. If you have time, please give thirty minutes of your life to this two part documentary/report series on life in North Korea.

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Life Inside the North Korean Bubble - Part 1

Defectors Reveal the Truth about Life in North Korea - Part 2

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After having watched these two videos, I wanted a few days to mull over what I just saw. I began to ask myself many questions.

• Are these not God's people too?

• Why was I born in America?! What kind of privilege is this, and how do I act upon such blessing?

• "Ignorance is bliss," isn't it?!

• How am I connected to them, their reality, their struggles? Particularly when I have my own!

• How counter-cultural should I as a Christian be?

• Practically, what can I do for people trapped in such a dire situation?

These thoughts may seem like too much to tackle in one post, but I must try for my conscience's sake.

Let us not be unaware of our blessing, privilege, and duty as Christians residing in America. Every day Christians in America should thank God for the freedoms and opportunities we share as Americans. Many of us don't do this because we are simply ignorant of what happens aroun the world. This should stop because it is our privilege to share in the sufferings of others, particularly those in prison and under harsh persecution. It is our duty to live counter-culturally, and the Bible has much to say on this matter. While reading the Bible, I come across a few passages that blow my mind. James 1: 27 does just that for me. "Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, and to keep oneself unspotted from the world." NKJV

1 - Always check for the vulnerable, the least among us

2 - Separate from this world's way of thinking, of living, of behaving. Christians must expatriate.

So if these are our orders, how are we compelled to live day-to-day? In the simplest sense--outside of ourselves and for the Kingdom.

Here are some practical guidelines that I want to establish for myself (so if you see me on the streets! Call me on them. Please.)

• Check the past three months of your bank statements online. If you're somewhat like myself, you travel a lot and don't mind splurging on good food. While you're not traveling, you enjoy plenty of nights out with friends over beer, and again, good food. Welp...if you do this exercise you're most likely to be as astounded as I am. I spend too much money on food (not counting trips to the grocery store!). A whopping $375 for 90 days! That's $125/mo on $6 beers, $16 entrees, and $3 pick me ups along the way. Insane and inexcusable. My challenge is to half this number, and it won't be easy because I'm pretty sure that many of my relationships are built around social settings and good food. Only time will tell who survives!!! dun dun DUUUUUN! But for real, if this is your dilemma/worry as well, challenge your Christian friends with the same exercise. At least you'll have a partner when you decide to skip the expensive Sunday meal after church. What you could be doing instead is......praying for the world!

• A good friend of mine had a great idea. He got a world map and tacked it to his wall. He marked the places he's been, done missionary work, and made friends. Aside from a conversation piece, this poster serves as a constant reminder to pray for the world. Subscribe to Voice of the Martyrs magazine, The Cry magazine, Gospel for Asia magazine, and more! Read the stories and accounts of believers like you and I, locate them on the map, and write bullets on a note card of things to talk to God about. Golden! These magazines are free, and they keep us in touch with what's happening around us--many things that we'd never hear of otherwise. Ignorance is not bliss, and we are obligated to share in the struggles of those around us (not simply based on physical proximity). This is a joyful opportunity to step outside of yourself and consider the real

ity for others. Pray for a burdened heart if you're drawing a blank here.

• While praying, consider the savings that you carved out, and support an organization that is taking the gospel around the world. Support a local missionary from church. Financially support a neighbor down the street! (A discipleship group that I attend takes up a offering so that we may collectively, financially serve someone in the community.) There are widows and accident victims, recently laid off fathers...people are losing their homes, and we dare not be the priest or Levite in the parable of the Good Samaritan--especially when we have the resources but they are being mismanaged. If you offer the financial gift, also extend an invitation to your local body of believers. Ask how you can pray for them--pray with them on the spot!

• Also! Step away from the Christian book section! Many of these overpriced books will say nothing more than the ones sitting on your shelf at home. If you really would like something to read, I hear the Bible is pretty spot on. If you're looking for something supplemental, check with a friend. Chances are that you know somebody who knows somebody who has boxed the book away. This was another large expenditure of mine and, I'm sure, a few good friends.

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I'm not coming down on anyone, and no one ought to compare themselves with anyone else. We are all to be connected with God and his will for our lives. But we must not forget that we are all connected to one another, whether saved or lost, slave or free, illegal or citizen, drug user or stepford-like homemaker, rich or poor. And as such, believers have privileges and duties to fulfill. We Christians in America are blessed with resources, but they don't belong to us. Our battle is not against physical persecution or extreme living conditions, but rather money mismanagement and the struggle to give so that others may simply hear the Word of life and live. I'm challenging myself to dig deeper and get involved, to NEVER feel that prayer is not sufficient when facing heart wrenching realities. I'm challenged to surrender my peace-of-mind, sense of entitlement, and security so that there may be prayer without cessation, encouraging words delivered to a persecuted believer, money given to someone with a greater need than I.

Let me know if you're with me!

Orphans and Widows

2010-05-25T17:33:00.006-04:00

I love people who get it, who are in touch with human commonality. When strangers share tears, it is transcendence. When the collective protects love, it is sublime. God's design is temporarily realigned for too few fleeting moments in time.

ABC's "What Would You Do?" secretly orchestrates politically incorrect, potentially dangerous situations in which they record unknowing participants' reactions. It's good TV; it's even better fodder for thought and discussion. A few nights ago I watched an episode segment where a mentally handicapped worker pretended to be a grocery store bagger. He bagged too slowly for the planted shoppers(those who are a part of the scenario), and they lambasted the poor guy with slurs and threats. The planted shoppers often tried to invoke a mob mentality by getting strangers to agree with them and their abhorrent behavior. It was a sight to see! Some people pretended to be deaf and went about their shopping (Self-Preservationist). It was unclear if they were even offended. Others were visibly shaken by the rude shopper's treatment of the mentally handicapped worker. It was written over their face, yet their mouths remained glued shut. Some gave hand symbols and affirming gestures to the bagger from behind the rude shopper [Good-Hearted Cowards (someone who lacks the courage to endure dangerous or unpleasant things)]. And lastly there were people who disagreed with what they saw and made it known (Defenders). Some had to allow their emotions to build up; others were ready to pounce on the rude shopper immediately. None of these people knew their reactions were being recorded.

I noticed a trend among the Defenders. Many of them could easily empathize with the handicapped bagger because their life was in some way connected to his struggle. It's amazing how even frailty, when shared, can impart strength and love. I feel that this design is nothing short of divine.

Just some passages that come to mind

"No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us." - 1 John 4:12

Broken, bruised, sinful and ugly on many fronts, but every bit human and fully joined to humanity.

"If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen." - 1 John 4:20

"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin." - Hebrews 4:15

The actions of many defenders sprouted from connectedness to this bagger's disability. One was a teacher. Another had a younger sibling battling with the same handicap. And when they bravely spoke against the rude customer, sometimes even verbally threatening him, they evoked a sense of sacrifice that said their comfort was not as important as the right thing to do. A man from a different scenario responded with bravery and told the cameramen afterwards that his actions were not heroic, but simply the right thing to do.

I believe that you must first disconnect from the humanity that you share with others in order to become a Self-Preservationist, and it's within us all. We can become deluded enough to believe that whatever goes on around us has no effect on our spirit or a divine order of any kind. We can remain purposefully ignorant so that we can be comfortable, and often, unknowingly complicit--righteous in our own minds. How should we reconcile faith with the suicides of the $1 workers who create our gadgets? What about the children who die because of our obsession with diamonds? What about the person who didn't eat tonight because we didn't have time to stop on the way to a party? Or the prostitute we just helped to keep enslaved? What about the body count along the route cartels used so that we can use drugs for recreation? There are dozens of ways that our hands become dirtied because of our choices.

But I see this a challenge to us all, to be more like Christ in the dirtiest, most disgusting aspects. There's a challenge to get down on someone else's level so that you can fully sympathize and be a light in a dark place. It's hard for me to accept or respect the opinion of someone pontificating from a throne privilege, whether it is about illegal immigration, factory/migrant workers, or the poor "who we will always have with us" [ .... ]. Jesus showed his deep love for us by walking the mile in our shoes, and that's something we all should do for one another. We should be more critical of what we do, what we buy, and what our stance is on important issues. Because "whatever you do to the least among us..."

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^[³¹"When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory. ³²All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. ³³He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.

³⁴"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. ³⁵For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, ³⁶I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'

³⁷"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? ³⁸When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you?³⁹When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'

⁴⁰"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

⁴¹"Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. ⁴²For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, ⁴³I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.'

⁴⁴"They also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?'

⁴⁵"He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.'

⁴⁶"Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life."] - Matthew 25

BTW: Something to definitely check out!

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"Shenzhen, a once small border town that leaped to one of Pearl River Delta's busiest cities, hides a group of anxious young people behind row upon row of tall buildings. In 2009, Times magazine nominated "The Chinese Worker" as "Person of the Year," praising its "determined vision shone on the future of mankind,"* but this so-called "determination" is needed to resist being mechanized and eroded by capitalism. Can they really avoid such "determination?" When computers, phones, cars, and all other commercial products become the products of capitalism, sweat, youth, and even life, all these values are exhausted by capitalism as well...Thousands of people flock here each day just to find a place of their own, to find a dream that they'll probably never realize." About Your iPod

Shaping Who I am.

2010-04-12T17:34:00.004-04:00

In what seemed like a sporadic move, I relocated to ATL for about a month. Here, my main goal is to stay on the career grind. Indeed, it’s tough, and here I am, a year later—toying with crappy jobs and underemployment. So I moved close to downtown Atlanta. Something I immediately noticed was how brazen the homeless are here. I have yet to walk anywhere and not be hailed, begged upon, beckoned, thanked for giving, cursed for not giving. This may all happen in one day! I haven’t had to deal with this kind of despair since seeing third-world poor in the slums of Thailand. And even then, like now, I didn’t have the wherewithal to help. But my heart doesn’t know that my pockets are empty, and every time that I approach or am approached by a homeless person, I am faced with a heartfelt decision: will I hear this guy out, or will I apologize for being broke (partially true) and keep it pressin? This is my dilemma.

More often than not, though, I feel comfortable around those living in abject poverty. Partially because when I think about it, I realize that they probably have a higher net worth than I do (with all sorts of loans putting me in the negative). The other part of me really sympathizes with their circumstances. Sometimes.

Sometimes, there are homeless people who are pathological liars who prey upon the good graces of those passing by. These people probably have not intention of ever moving beyond their current state. And I used to feel that my anger against this type of person was always righteous. A little time in ATL has changed this somewhat. My first few days here I didn’t have the Internet, and we all know that a job search without the Internet is as good as nonexistent. So I went to the Fulton Co library for some computer time. There was a line wrapped around the room just to reserve a computer and move to a sitting area. “Damn. I feel sorry for people who don’t have any other options! This is brutal,” I thought. Limited time, unsanitary and cramped conditions, and purse checks are what we pay our government for I guess… So I headed to GaTech’s campus on to discover that if you’re not a student, you gets little to no love. Big shocker. Literally three computers with strict time limits await “guests.” I can’t imagine having to wade through death stares, rude people, and uninviting conditions in an effort to pull yourself up by your bootstraps.

So you have the druggie and liar vs. the guy who is genuinely trying to make better for himself.

How do you differentiate?

How are believers supposed to act here?

What exactly is my heart saying in these moments?

I’m on my second read through of Chris Heuertz’s book, “Simple Spirituality,” and it is brilliantly amazing! In the book’s third chapter, entitled “Simplicity,” Chris lays out a life-transforming story. Please read this if you find the time. I would not have typed it all if it weren’t good. The passage below speaks to everything I hope to be, everything I want my faith to project.

How you hold, not what you hold

Simplicity is best understood in evaluating how we hold things, not just what we do or don’t hold. For me, this lesson was a hard one to learn. In fact, I didn’t truly understand it until I refused to give the equivalent of a dime to a little boy at the Victoria monument in Kolkata, India.

I had decided to show our visiting friends some of Kolkata’s history. Monsoon season had brought heavy rain that summer day, but between showers we saw the Victoria Monument, one of the starkest reminders of the British Raj and English rule in India. Typical of the streets of Kolkata, people were everywhere.

As we left the monument, a small boy—no older than nine or ten—followed our group. He retained the untarnished look of innocence amid the cruelty and hostility of Kolkata, his big, dark eyes looking up at us as we walked, his tattered red shorts and dirty yellow T-shirt speaking of a hard life on the streets. He wore no shoes, his hair was tousled, and his skin was darker than that of most Bengalis. He went from one person to the next, telling us, in broken English, his sad story and asking for a couple of rupees. His mother and father had died, he said, and he was very hungry.

We weren’t sure whether to believe him or not. He was one of the thousands of children begging in India. The little boy followed us for what seemed like a mile. A few in our group struck up a conversation with him, but for the most part, we ignored him.

Regularly seeing far more people begging in Kolkata than we had money to help, we had the arguments for giving and not giving constantly tearing through our minds. On one hand, we assumed that giving to someone begging encourages a lifestyle of pathetic dependency. They all seem to have the same needs, but many of them fabricate stories to prey on the emotions of rich foreigners. It is also a challenge to determine whether the man, woman or child is being forced to beg. Black markets (informal economic endeavors) around the world have been known to kidnap children and intentionally mutilate them, gouge out their eyes, or otherwise maim them, then place them in strategic locations to earn money for their handlers. On the other hand, the man, woman, or child begging from you may literally be dying before you eyes. How, then, can you not give?

Scripture says, “give to the one who asks you” (Matt 5:42). But does that mean giving exactly what they ask? E. Stanley Jones suggests, “It doesn’t say give to him what he asks….it may be what he asks, or it may be something better than he asks.” What about our attitude and motivation for giving? Are we performing an act of kindness to get that person begging to leave us alone? Can we give only a handful of change and feeling good about it? What if we don’t give anything? The Scriptures also say, “I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat” (Matt 25:42). If we don’t give, will God punish us?

Later that afternoon, one of our friends revealed that the little boy in the red shorts had sexually propositioned him. We listened in disbelief and horror. He had asked for a couple of rupees—not even a dime in U.S. currency—for something to eat, and we had walked on by. That night, we wondered in what dark room that child would be sexually abused so he could earn enough money to buy the food—money we had refused to give him.

Two rupees, that’s all this little kid in Kolkata wanted, and I didn’t give them to him. I thought those rupees were mine. I had yet to lay them down, to give them to the Lord. It is so embarrassing to tell this story, but that is usually how things in my life are. It’s the small stuff; it’s the little things that keep me from full obedience. Had I given my all to God, then “my” finances would have been God’s to give through me to that child.

Maybe in holding what wasn’t mine, I might have actually stolen from that boy. Isaiah 3:14-15 reads, “The plunder of the poor is in your houses. What do you mean by crushing my people and grinding the faces of the poor?” There are undoubtedly numerous ways to interpret the phase “the plunder of the poor.”

When forced to examine my attitudes toward giving, I often think of John Wesley. One afternoon Wesley had gone to town to buy some pictures for his room. After hanging the images around his house, he heard a knock at the door. It was bitterly cold outside, and the wind was blowing. There stood a young woman and her obviously undernourished baby in arm, both poorly clothed. They were going from door to door, begging for food and money to provide them with warmer clothing.

Wesley put his hand in his picket and pulling out what little change was left over from his day of shopping. He handled it over and sent the woman on her way. When he closed the door behind him and turned around, the pictures on his walls faced him as judges—the money he had spent on those very frames could have helped the young mother.

The plunder of the poor was in John Wesley’s house—in fact, it was hanging on his walls, condemning him. He fell to his knees and made a pledge to God; he promised that if God would provide for his basic needs, then he would give everything beyond that to those in poverty. Wesley determined that to live a sufficiently austere lifestyle, he would need twenty-eight British pounds per year. The first year he earned thirty pounds, living on twenty-eight and giving the surplus to the poor. The second year he earned nearly sixty, the third year almost 100, and by the end of his life John Wesley was earning over fourteen hundred British pounds a year—living off of twenty eight and giving the rest o help meet the needs of people who were poor.

He is famous for saying “When I die if I leave behind me 10 pounds…you and all humanity may bear witness against me, that I have lived and died a thief and a robber.” Wesley made sure he never stole from the poor.

Possessions, insofar as they posses us, oppose the kingdom. Five times in John 10:11-18 Jesus tells us that he lays down what is perhaps in economic terms, a person’s ultimate possession—his life—for us. “No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord” (John10:18). David Chronic regularly reminded us of this passage as it relates to his giving to people begging in Romania, where he currently lives. He gives to keep his heart soft and tender—to remind himself that those in need are not asking him for money, they are asking God to help them through David’s responsiveness. He always reminds us that what they are asking for doesn’t belong to him, and that is why he needs to remember to constantly be letting go of it.

Vocationally, I have given my life to serving those who are poor, but that afternoon at the Victoria Monument I couldn’t cough up a couple rupees when a hungry child asked me for money. We want to make the issue about what we give, but in truth the issue is about what we keep.

The Great Sin of Entitlement

2010-01-03T22:22:00.003-05:00

Awesome performance by John Legend.

"I wrote the song “Show Me” as a prayer to God asking simple, honest questions about life and death and why there is so much suffering in the world. As I grew with the song I realized I shouldn’t limit those questions solely to God; I should ask those questions of others and of myself.

The Show Me music video depicts a young boy, alone at night, feeling overwhelmed by the weight of the world. He is asking questions and searching for answers. The character in the video is inspired by the real life story of two young boys, Yaguine Koita (aged 14) and Fodé Tounkara (aged 15), stowaways who froze to death flying from Guinea to Belgium, on 28 July 1999. The boys were carrying plastic bags with birth certificates, school report cards, photographs and a letter.

Their story inspired us as it captured that sense of longing, the search for answers and the crying out to the above for rescue. Sadly their story is a tragic one. The tragedy inherent in the story became a metaphor for the tragedy of poverty and also a call for us to do something to change it.

The Show Me Campaign is an effort to shed light on the conditions of extreme poverty and to get the message about what’s happening to people and to get them engaged in efforts to end extreme poverty." - John Legend (Show Me Campaign)

This song touches me on an ethereal level. Its lyrics are so genuine and simple--just a person pleading before God, begging to feel his presence in a suffering world. I stumbled across this video a few weeks back, and through this youtube link, I discovered Legend's campaign. The website revealed the quote above, and my heart sunk. The idea that two young children died in an attempt to reach a better destination, a better home than the one behind, tears my heart to pieces. Although I will probably never have the full explanation of what happened, or why they did what they did, I dare not gloss over their deaths and resume activity as normal. Their story is not unique either! There are people dying to flee North Korea, only to be caught and returned to face certain execution. There are illegal immigrants who suffer through exploitation and dark, airless underground tunnels to find hope in this life. There are so many evils in the world, so what makes this story different? Why does this story matter?

This story is not unique, and, on the surface, it doesn't matter.

Two little african boys were stupid enough to be desperate enough to be careless enough to try to change their situation. It's been over a decade, and life marches forward.

While most people won't be as tactless as to state these words aloud, or even allow the thought to cross their mind, we emphatically agree with the above statement when we, as believers, refuse to mold our lives around the reality that life supremely sucks (from a basic needs stand point) for the over 3 billion people who live on $2.50/day, when we refuse to enter into the sufferings of our neighbors.

Stories like this shock me because my mentality defaults to what I call the trance of entitlement. Who can fault me? It's all around: workers have a just claim to receive payment, criminals have a just claim to have their rights respected, and college graduates have a just claim to their $20k piece of paper. Here, it's our culture, and it makes sense. You work hard, and you get what you have coming. This trance, however, can still rob your soul if you're not careful! The trance of entitlement is very subtle and hard to recognize at first. We're all simply out to make life comfortable for ourselves. And in trying to do just that, we expend so much energy and money into maintaining a sort of pseudo reality in which we can argue the merits of libertarianism and beautification, million dollar remodels, car upgrades, and all other forms of a luxe existence. All of these things are afforded by a sense of privilege and entitlement that slowly creeps into our psyche that says we must upgrade our lifestyle at every opportunity because we've earned it. The people without simply don't work as hard.

Jesus warned in John 16:33 that "in this world you will have trouble." Many of us don't find this statement true by experience, and we take our peaceful, luxe lives as a blessing from God. We thank God for our comfortable, safe lives. Instead, if we've been given much (and most people in America have), we must find ways to enter into the struggles of others. We need to throw off excess in embrace of this troubled world.

"Take my riches take my fame, take the microphone, take the stage.

Take my glory, take my name. take, take, take, take, take it away.

Suffer now, later we'll reign, and that applies to the saint who went against the grain.

Life is hard but amidst the pain, you know the saints fight hard. We anticipate that great day, when God applause there will be no remorse and no shame.

Everything you thought you lost you'll regain, and you'll get rewards because you behaved."

Great song by Christian rapper, Da. Truth (That great Day)

2009-12-14T21:15:00.005-05:00

While praying, I noticed that I had been asking for the same thing for a while. For over three years, I've been asking God to place me within a close knit community of believers. This request might seem very passive to some. It may seem a little vague to others. But this petition speaks to the biggest need in my life. Otherwise, I would've given up hope a long time ago.

My greatest growth and strongest sense of spiritual nourishment was found within a genuine community of believers who were my peers, who suffered through sin like me, who accepted me and risked vulnerability to experience true healing and love. This was amazing, and completely unlike anything I had ever known before. Eventually the circumstances changed, however, and time never slowed down. Now, years later, I am still seeking what I had experienced in college. But this is the real world now, and people are so much more busy. What's a guy to do?

We as a culture don't particularly do relationships well. We greatly value our independence and personal space and time. Privacy is supreme. If you're dying--do so quietly and out of sight (outta mind), please. If you need help--have you tried your own bootstraps? If yes, have you tried them again?

People are forced to suffer privately with their sin, with doubts, with questions about even who they are. So you could imagine how someone, like myself, who suffers with relational and sexual brokenness deals with life. Usually. Typically. Understandably. Not well at all.

In the digital age of instant feedback and updates, people feel the most divorced from authentic relationships. Nearing 25, in this phase of life, full of baby bottles, newly weds, burgeoning careers, and tight schedules, I'm finding it discouragingly impossible to make allies in this spiritual battle. I prolly shouldn't be shocked though--I've gone most of my spiritual life this way. I look to my right, and I see friends who have fallen away. I look to the left as the world grabs my attention. Behind me are memories and lofty notions of how a believer traverses this existence. Ahead of me, I sprinkle my future steps with prayers of a united body of Christ, an authentic community of believers--and a plea for God's grace to sustain me along the way.

Have you ever thought that our conduct and apathy might play a role in securing the eternal damnation of the very person next to us on the pew? I don't say this much, but to Hell with pretense and fear of man. To Hell with "I'm fine. How are you?" To Hell with silent screams and white washed broken, damaged hearts. Lemme tell you how I really feel!

Randomness

2009-12-09T23:20:00.002-05:00

So I just took an online "Christian Gifts" quiz....unsurprisingly, the two highest areas they claim that I'm gifted in is missionary work and shepherding. I've known these all along--this was just random (divine?) confirmation. Now, what will I do with those gifts, and how am I using them now....those are the questions.

(PRO)(RE)GRESSION

2009-12-01T01:20:00.011-05:00

Conservative newspaper the Washington Post ran a revealing news story a few days ago. "Blacks hit hard by economy's punch" was authored by V. Dion Haynes. The contents of this piece are really personal to me and disheartening. As an career-less black male who knows MANY unemployed black men, Haynes' journalistic exploit reveals nothing new, rather it cements a reality many have known for too long: If you're a black male, you're darn near close to SOL in this economic climate. I've faced this fact for the better part of this year. After zealously pursuing a college degree and graduation, I was birthed into a professional world full of downsizing, overcrowding, and what Haynes, alongside many others, reveals to be blatant discrimination.

I've been under experience; I've been over experience. I am a gamble because I probably won't respect a job I worked 10 years ago and because there may be more qualified, older, and

experienced people sharing my market for better positions. In addition to my woes and the woes of my brethren, studies have consistently pointed out a subtle and faceless form of HR discrimination. "Blacks hit hard by economy's punch," albeit lite on citation, fearlessly states ugly statistics, ugly personal stories of struggling blacks, and the fact that many of us simply aren't always wanted in the work place.

"The jobless rate for young black men and women is 30.5 percent. For young blacks -- who experts say are more likely to grow up in impoverished racially isolated neighborhoods, attend subpar public schools and experience discrimination -- race statistically appears to be a bigger factor in their unemployment than age, income or even education. Lower-income white teens were more likely to find work than upper-income black teens, according to the Center for Labor Market Studies at Northeastern University, and even blacks who graduate from college suffer from joblessness at twice the rate of their white peers."

How do we as a society account for this? What is the justification for these numbers, this reality? I want to know because I'm affected--my family and friends are affected. Even within sub-groups of society, there is a rat-race. While holding down a retail job in high school, I was simultaneously building experience and differentiating myself from "D" down the street. College was supposed to further widen this gap and allow me to compete, regardless of racial barriers and lines. Internships only added distinction and merit--the icing on an already good cake. "So why after a year of job searching am I still unemployed?" I constantly am forced to ask myself. Part of it feels like playing a baseball game pretty well from the second inning on only to still be losing the game because of a disastrous opening inning, a deficit that you must fight from for the rest of the game.

"Black men were less likely to receive a call back or job offer than equally qualified white men," said Devah Pager, a sociology professor at Princeton University, referring to her studies a few years ago of white and black male job applicants in their 20s in Milwaukee and New York. "Black men with a clean record fare no better than white men just released from prison." Despite the study's scope, it reveals facts that we are too politically correct and post-racialized to even acknowledge, much less accept.

I can count my job interviews on one hand, the call backs on a few additional fingers, and job/identity scams on what's remaining. I've adjusted my resume too many times to count. I've called, visited in person (despite it being generally frowned upon now!), and corresponded through email. Not only have I entertained the idea of name changing, but have actually done it on a few resumes! This is something that I accept as an ugly reality--to "white-tiff-fy" my name just to get a callback (which was a suggestion from a white friend of mine who has a job and knows a few ends and outs of HR and hiring). So I know the grind, and just as 24 year old Delonte Spriggs, I'm only asking employers to "give me a chance to show that I can work. Just give me a chance." I don't doubt my talent, and I don't doubt my ability to perform. What I doubt, however, is complete color-blindness and general benevolence and equity when it comes to people who look like myself and/or have "ethnic" names. What I doubt is people's ability to distinguish myself from people who may happen to simply share my pigmentation--considering many people think of/speak of blacks monolithically. It's a bullcrap struggle that I must fight; I always must prove that I'm sensible, hardworking, qualified, and completely unlike others' perceptions of who I should be, of who some of my friends may be. W.E.B. Dubois' notion of double consciousness still remains very true to modern circumstances and contexts. I'm so dizzy, financially busted, and socially ruptured that I have vertigo from trying to meld my two worlds.

I'm definitely disheartened because instead of competing with my peers, this study and many like it conclude that I may be battling for a position against someone who has a criminal record or not considered at all.

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There are so many of these type of studies out there. A quick Google search will suffice. Race matters: studies show race, even black-sounding names, causes doors to shut.

"A key part of the study was to discover how employers would respond to white applicants with conviction records, including drug busts, and black applicants who had no criminal background. The findings: White ex-cons were called back for interviews 17% of the time compared to 14% for crime-free black applicants."

"The study entitled "Are Emily and Greg More Employable than Lakisha and Jamal?" showed job seekers with white-sounding names were 50% more apt to get called for interviews. Those stats translate into the need for blacks to

marl 15 resumes for every 10 resumes sent by whites in order to land one interview."

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"Even employers who specified "equal opportunity employer" showed bias, leading Mullainathan to suggest companies serious about diversity must take steps to confront even unconscious biases - for instance, by not looking at names when first evaluating a resume." Another Study

Update

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Another story ran about this very topic in the NYTimes.

"But there is ample evidence that racial inequities remain when it comes to employment. Black joblessness has long far outstripped that of whites. And strikingly, the disparity for the first 10 months of this year, as the recession has dragged on, has been even more pronounced for those with college degrees, compared with those without. Education, it seems, does not level the playing field — in fact, it appears to have made it more uneven."

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This "Equal Opportunity Employer," PC-type crap is dead to me. With statistics like these, should I pose as either a white male or female on my application and adjust my name? The things you gotta do to get a phone call these days.

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To all of my minority friends: How do you handle the often used applicant-demo questionnaire? Do you opt out? Do you comply and list your gender/ethnicity?

Torture, Expediency, and Theater

2009-11-11T19:09:00.008-05:00

Please weigh heavily what I'm posting here. This topic is really difficult to navigate, and I've spent perhaps too much time mulling over this story's validity and implications. Please watch the embedded video in full.

When I stumbled across this video weeks back, I was stunned by the probable reality of Craig Murry's claims--many of which I take at face value, and others after research. I have not been a silent opponent of the US occupation of Iraq. I readily express my views on war and its often proclaimed "necessity." However, I'm also not a complete pacifist. But as our country doubles down on our strategies in Afghanistan and pledge to continue the two longest wars in American history, I can hardly contain my skepticism. My patriotism and trust in our country's benevolence are perhaps both at an all time low. And if what Murry proclaims is true, then my bolstered hopes were artificial in the first place, and I (along with the nation) have been led on witch hunt where truth is elusive and morality is relative and expedient.

I want to say right now that I could care less of the charade that is our political party system.

It's not about ideology; it's not about petty bickering or party lines. This issue goes much deeper than the bull crap that our mainstream media feeds us 24/7. We must push past the advertised issues facing our union right now. Healthcare is nothing compared to this story. Bailouts and rallies, tea parties and even environmental agenda pushing can all be seen as massive distractions. Why is it that news such as this never hits prime time?! Why are we not discussing extraordinary rendition, torture by proxy, ACTUAL torture that we have performed (under the pseudonym of "enhanced interrogation techniques"), and vicious human rights abuses abroad that our government actively enables.

I see the world through my faith, and I often think of how the true church should act and think. Imagine my delusion of thinking that we're all one big, unified body? It's so sad that it's almost worthy of a laugh out loud moment. But as a Christian, what Craig Murry reveals in this video snippet and in his book is chilling to my soul. I have spent many days simply trying to wrap my mind about it all. It's like my synapses are broken, and I can't merge reality with fictitious notions of it.

When I think of the US, I think of George Washington and cherry trees. Ideals such as due process and habeas corpus float around in my consciousness. And as an African American, I also see our faults as a nation. But nothing of this magnitude had ever entered into my reality--a reality that was carefully and purposefully crafted by other people. The proverbial city-on-a-hill, beacon of morality truly is no more. Rather, never was.

In the Bible, justice holds esteem to our God. The administration of law, order, and treatment that is morally right, and God holds the trump card. So I get really passionate about human rights abuses. In the past, I've posted about human rights issues in China, the Philippines, and North Korea. But I always thought of this issue as mostly something that's foreign and un-American to the core.

So how can we, the pushers of democracy, the supposed spreaders of peace and prosperity, figuratively be in bed with the Uzbekistanian government?

Group of shifty-eyed, bearded males (+) dragnet operations and searches (x) enhanced interrogations and rendition = falsified intel and a "just" reason for a war on terrorism that's actually a front for pure profiteering.

Oh yeah...we can't forget about the bonus prize: tortured humans.

Under a UN agreement, it's legally okay to collect intel from torture as long as you aren't doing it directly. Perfect! When will people discover that the grave gets deeper the further we go down?

_____________________________________________________________

And here's the real kicker! Here's a view into the mindset of this evil, the belly of this monstrous beast:

"The thing that worries me most ... is this mind-set of sort of going back to the old notion that fighting terrorism is a law enforcement problem. Once you start thinking about it like that, you're not going to do much with your military capability, you're not going to use your intelligence assets," Cheney said. "I'd be a lot more comfortable if the people in the Obama administration would realize we're at war. This is not a time to read the rights to some terrorist."

There you go. Our form of justice completely collapses in the face of terrorism. In fact, we gotta get our hands bloodied Jack Bauer style--episodes of the drama 24 should be mandatory for all future interrogators. But if laws get in the way here in America, ship the "terrorist" half-breeds to a remote, hidden prison. There, only Satan himself dwells, and with his help, we can fuck'em with broken bottles, boil'em alive....and force confessions, then parade them before the world audience as people who "hate our freedom."

Don't get it wrong. I am not a terrorist sympathizer. But I believe that we're much deeper into this issue than "they hate our freedom." This is a just a gross oversimplification.

Isn't it funny how our government chooses its enemies? I mean...presidents bow before and walk hand-in-hand with members of the Saudi government, yet they have some of the most egregious human rights records in the world. We and our allies seek friendship with Uzbekistan by easing restrictions and playing nice. How can Justice incarnate bed with its antithesis? One image comes to mind.

This is why we get fed bullshit political issues. This is why non-issues get sensationalized. Because this way, we're kept ignorant of much worse realities. Of things only ignorance would comply with.

I find it harder and harder to care about petty things. People are being robbed of their humanity, and we're guilty of many of the violations. I feel like our energy is expended in the opinion section while the cover story gets overlooked.

Entertainment?

2009-10-25T19:33:00.003-04:00

I usually hate this time of the year. I dislike the halloween motif: the emphasis on evil, the glorification of the vile....slutty adult costumes that are, for the most part, socially acceptable.

But as I become more aware of what actually happens here and around the world, the less I want to see gruesome images in my entertainment. Because the world is scary enough; the human condition is wicked enough. I am not entertained by explicit scenes of gore and violence, torture and what is little more than a

celebration of human beings given over to their deepest, darkest inclinations of a life devoid of God. This is not appealing to me anymore--shamefully, perhaps, it was at one point, but not anymore. Just as I posted a few days ago about "times getting worse," our fascination with vulgar images of the human body (made in the image of the living God) being mutilated and broken is growing.

I read stories of Christians suffering extreme persecution around the world, having acid poured on them and of people disappearing to only God knows where and into what ungodly conditions...I hear of stories in Africa that would be too gruesome for even Hollywood. Probably what happens in NK is too.

The notion that I can pray against these human evils while on my knees and then pay to go see these same images while sitting beneath a widescreen with popcorn is hypocritical at best, and woefully revealing of my true feelings at its worst.

I want to fight against becoming desensitized to the depths of human depravity. I want to be constantly appalled by what I see around me--it keeps me on my knees praying against awful realities for so many people. I know many people who have a "sucks for them" attitude when it comes to human suffering and injustice. By removing ourselves from the suffering of others, we think that it eases our existence. When in reality, we sever an awesome bond that connects us to others and the Father. With what perspective can we gratefully thank God for his blessings if we live within an self-imposed, artificial bubble? How can we know the joys--and the biblical mandate--of co-suffering with others if we sugarcoat our reality?

I've just been really bothered by what I see in what passes for entertainment these days, what is acceptable for Christians who are aware of the persistent and deplorable acts of sinful man...

Thoughts?

A Good Woman

2009-10-23T21:31:00.002-04:00

Dang. Just listening to this joint really makes me see the importance of a good woman, and I mean A GOOD WOMAN by your side. Wheww....I had to read the poem I wrote a few months back.

Reminiscing about past relationships is usually really pleasurable; you cherry pick the best memories, and if the relationship was at its best 100% of the time, you'd probably still be with 'ol girl. But...it wasn't.

So what is a young man supposed to do?! Dang. I need my sista. Does anyone know where I can find one? On the real.

Videos

2009-10-22T18:19:00.004-04:00

A video that makes me smile and a video that makes me really think.

This video makes me grin from ear to ear. Not only is our first lady beautiful and classy, she

is fit, and she can hoop with the best of 'em!

Now I was put on to this clip a few weeks back, and every time I revisit it, this guy makes more and more sense! Refreshingly, this video is not about bashing one race over the next--it's actually a primer on deconstructing what we refer to as "race." Amazing truth here, folks!

• Dreams •

2009-10-20T22:17:00.005-04:00

There are many dreams, but only one life

There is one life, but many avenues

Many avenues--varying successes

Life is what you make of it: for us to sow more than we destroy, build more than we deconstruct

I've blogged extensively about the pains of living in the adult(lesence) hybrid, heavily indebted, hellified limbo stage of life post-college, yet (under/un) employed. Time is less of a commodity during this period, however, and I do as dreamers do. Dream a lot!

What on earth is God trying to teach me? Am I being corrected? Disciplined? Matured in my faith during one of the hardest "wait on the Lord" periods of my life? Am I supposed to sit back and enjoy the ride?

I can't say for certain. The only thing I can acknowledge, however, is my undying desire to live a radical life. To me, this could mean many different things: living humbly in Morocco, living humbly and very unAmerican-like here, staying involved in a great church, living as a missionary wherever I end up. I'm beginning to discover that I have deep rooted dreams of seeing people progress from poverty, be made whole from brokeness. This is the reason why I decided to attend graduate school in Counseling, emphasizing in drug and sexual abuse. I yearn to see the Lord fix broken people--just as he always has been doing, just as he is doing for me!

But either in addition to, or, instead of graduate school, I have other dreams. I want to see people rise out of cyclical and generational problems (sin). I want to start a community housing project that is bible-based, heavily regulated, and purposefully transient for each family. Having grown up around housing projects and low-income communities, I know too well their problems: violence, drugs, uncertainty, cyclical pitfalls, exploitation...despair. I constantly ask my dad why must good poor people suffer through garbage just to survive? Why can't there be more of a hand-up structure in place instead of a dirty and unsafe hand extended out? My philosophy is that people deserve a safe, clean, drug-free environment to raise their children and gain their financial footing. This isn't the case in the many housing projects where I'm from.

I envision a community free from government restrictions--meaning I can openly discriminate and be as selective as I choose. This point is crucial in my understanding. This opportunity is for those who seek and are willing to sacrifice for a better way of life. I dream of free, quality day-care so that parents may be able to allocate more of their earnings towards true stability. Children, enrolled in tutoring programs and given dreams beyond the damn basketball court or football field. I see heavy regulated "personal" family budgets with each dollar accounted for and responsibly placed for future success--strict oversight! Success is extended through partnerships with local trade schools, offering grants and scholarships towards practical, marketable skills. Because contrary to what you may have heard, fast food is not where you want to be. I see churches united (imagine that, right?!). Mandatory parenting classes; mandatory health and wellness classes. It's gentrification with a higher purpose than aesthetics.

The goal is to cycle people through this community, helping them leave with financial stability, financial sense, expanded horizons, and stronger families--united under God--to make a house a home (homeownership).

Can we please leave our kids something other than funeral bills upon our death?! I know too many people whose grandparents left most of a state too, and they don't ever look like me! Building wealth is what I'm talking about.

So why can't I, with my proposal writing experience and skills, craft a document to secure the funds to do this?

Oh...just dreams.

But this would be too much just for the community, right?! Shouldn't I start with a non-profit organization structure first? Then I could survive off gifts and grants.

I have experience with those proposals....

I'm very comfortable speaking in front of people

I'm very good as making desktop publishing (I am a graphic designer), and I could generate awareness easily

I'm pretty well connected in the community

So please, yall. Forgive the extreme narcissism of this post; I'm only publicly extrapolating my dreams in the hope that because of my shame, my dreams will be manifested, no longer deferred or suppressed.

Ahhh....dreams.

Knowing Your Purpose

2009-10-10T23:15:00.004-04:00

"But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out to darkness into his wonderful light. Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy. Dear friends, I urge you as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul. Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us"

Below is an excerpt from Voice of the Martyrs magazine:

Bible Students Find a Way to Worship

"Last year we reported on the July 2008 Muslim attack against the Arastamar Evangelical

Theology School (SETIA). Built in 1991 on Java, Indonesia's fifth largest island, SETIA is the largest Bible college in Indonesia.

As calls for jihad rang from loudspeakers of nearby mosques, a mob of Muslims gathered in front of the Christian school. The attackers used knives, machetes, bamboo spears, Molotov bombs and liquid chemicals to assault the male and female students in their dormitories. Many of the students suffered injuries. Another mob blocked the main road to keep the authorities from rescuing the students. Shouts of "Allahu Akbar" --God is great--echoed through the streets.

We have seen this pattern of persecution in Indonesia before. Muslim radicals have attacked Christian institutions to stop evangelical training. Nearly 10 years ago, on Dec. 15, 1999, the Doulos Bible School in Jakarta was burned completely and two of their students were slain. Bible students in Indonesia understand that they must not only possess faith in the truth of scripture, but they also must embody the same unshakable faith of Christian witnesses like Stephen, who clung to Christ in the face of death.

Most of the students are on full scholarship and come from the poorest among the 6,000 inhabited islands of this mostly Muslim nation.

Even the gasoline bombs were thrown into the dormitories, the students did not surrender. They threw foam mattresses, which they soaked in water, on the fires. They also wet their extra clothes and slapped them on the flames.

After two days, police finally came to evacuate the school and the students were escorted through the mob in police vehicles. As the police inched their truck through the angry crowd, attackers stabbed the students inside the bamboo spears. They even threw acid onto the students. Many students were wounded, some with sword slashes and chemical burns.

Despite the attack, the students have vowed to not stop their journey as disciples of Christ! Since this attack, these students have lived, studied and worshiped in church halls, government buildings and a city park.

Christians are sometimes called pilgrims. They often go where no one has been before. Pray for these young Indonesian pilgrims as they journey to bring Christ to those who do not know him." - VOM: special issue 2009

----------------------------------------

I am taken off guard when I read stories like this. I'm amazed at what power and resolve faith in the living God produces--the faith that I possess, the faith made available to everyone. I can only hope to grow into and attain the full measure of what genuine faith has to offer. Peace that surpasses all understanding; forgiveness beyond human limits; bravery in the face of certain death...

Almost complete pacifism? hmm.

What would I do in a situation like this? My instinct would be to immediately defend myself. Would I pick up a gun and send someone before the judgment throne, unready? Would I be like one of Jesus' companions in my response and prefer violence along the lines of chopping off someone's ear? Does Jesus' rebuke still ring true: "for all who draw the sword will die by the sword. Do you think I cannot call on my Father, and he will at once put at my disposal more than twelve legions of angels?" (Matthew 26:51-53)

He is so sure, so confident in his Father's sovereignty. He knows what his purpose is here on Earth, and it is not to get into physical conflicts--rather, spiritual confrontation and battle.

For me, I can only hope to know the peace and heavenly resolve of praying for those who persecute me, whether verbal or physical. So readily do I rise to protect myself against offense, thinking much to highly of myself when I am "crossed." I must constantly question what my role is as a child of God, and are my actions witnesses more about myself or God in heaven. Do I defend myself first, and then prayerfully ask God to clean up the mess left by sin, an untamed tongue, and/or unchecked actions?

Do you find yourself thinking or feeling the same way?

Can we all hope to have the faith, forgiveness, and peace of God that allows us to truly pray for those who cross us?

My the pictured young man serve as a witness, and Jesus an example of selfless living.

"Isn't it going to get better?!"

2009-10-06T19:27:00.007-04:00

I had a great conversation with my mother a few days back. We were just discussing the latest news headlines and if things were going to get "better." As usual--with me being the confrontational, opinionated kind--I instantly responded to the inquiry with another one.

"Why would we expect it to?"

If our simple observations of mankind tell us one thing, it's that we're straight evil; if our cursory reading and study of the Bible alert us to one thing, it's that Jesus' return is predestined, and we are to live our lives lying in wait for him. Numerous parables are designed to remind believers to expect a return and not to be found "caught up," so to speak, in worldly affairs.

Regardless of what your eschatological beliefs are, God expects us to eagerly anticipate his returning! "Watch out that you are not deceived. For many will come in my name, claiming, 'I am he,' and 'the time is near.' Do not follow them," Jesus proclaims to his followers. "When you hear of wars and revolutions, do not be frightened. These things must happen first, but the end will not come right away." (Luke 21:8-10) To me, this doesn't sound like the lollipops and care bears that make up a peaceful existence. Neither do those "earthquakes, famines and pestilences..."

"But someone may ask, 'how are the dead raised? With what kind of body will they come?' How foolish! What you sow does not come to life unless it does. When you sow, you do not plant the body that will be, but just a seed, perhaps of wheat or of something else. But God gives it a body as he has determined, and to each kind of seed he gives its own body...so will it be with the resurrection of the dead. The body that is sown is perishable, it is raised imperishable; it is sown in dishonor, it is raised in glory; it is sown in weakness, it is raised in power; it is sown in natural body, it is raised a spiritual body." (1 Corinthians 15:35-38, 42-44a)

What are we then to do with those bodies sown in dishonor and weakness, natural and perishable? How are we to confront all of the consequences and results of mankind's rebellion against God? Ya know...evils like transplant tourism, sex trafficking, child slavery/labor, rape, extreme poverty, devastating natural disasters....souls being plunged into hell.

And the big ones like complacency and apathy, indifference and willful ignorance. Sometimes I don't care simply because I don't have to! It doesn't affect me in the slightest. My life, at the moment, isn't directly touched by many atrocities. My biggest worry? How will I do with getting my advanced degree in grad school....

That is....unless I engage the world head on.

Isn't it going to get better? H*$& no! Life is going to get tougher for billions of people, and suffering is going to exponentially increase across the globe. And the gospel compels us to care! To pray ceaselessly for those we won't ever know personally; to give up our cares and comforts so that others may benefit materially, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

My biggest fear now?

A bubble existence and disobedience to the gospel and the shepherd's heart that God transplanted within me.

When we are consumed with God and want his best for us (not ours, not the American dream, not the status quo), life isn't a scary place--disobedience is much scarier than dying and "departing to be with Christ, which is better by far!" (Ph. 1:23).

This is why pictures of foreign atrocities don't drive me to complete disillusionment, but rather

to the cross, praying for his return. It should not be odd to pray for Christ's return. If indeed I desired for him to delay his return so that I could complete my fun and finish taking earth for a

"test drive," I would be deceived and ineffective in my purpose as a minister of the good news. There is a correlation to the growing depravity of man (and all of its manifestations) and

the amount of prayer and petition placed before the Lord by us, his followers.

I must remind myself this daily, because the lure to settle, the lure to not care is not my calling. It's not our calling.

For it is by grace we are saved, and by grace we are sustained.

Alone...going...gone!

2009-09-28T23:24:00.006-04:00

"All mankind is of one author, and is one volume; when one man dies, one chapter is not torn out of the book, but translated into a better language; and every chapter must be so translated...As therefore the bell that rings to a sermon, calls not upon the preacher only, but upon the congregation to come: so this bell calls us all: but how much more me, who am brought so near the door by this sickness....No man is an island, entire of itself...any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee." - John Donne 16th century

This man apparently knew what the deal was! He knew that all mankind was connected, and he beautifully conveys this universal truth through figurative language. I wonder what he would say in this digital age of hourly twitter updates, meticulously manicured facebook pages with ever-expanding "friends lists," concise text messages, blogs, vlogs, podcasts, and any other form of communication through 21st century inventions?

I remember reading somewhere on the internet that a conducted study found that despite advancements in communication, many people are lonliner than ever before. Indeed, I can see how this could be true. The doorbell turned into the telephone, which turned into the 'You've got mail!" robot, which then morphed into an instant message--usually shot on-the-go and with little love at all. Friendship devolved into a mere number on your social network's homepage. I would be willing to bet that of my 200 "friends" on Facebook, only 5 are genuine. I guess 2.5% isn't bad if it's all you've got in the sea of floating islands.

If you know anything about this blog or me, you would know that I'm not a huge proponent of America, American ideas, or values. I can't figure out which I hate worse: our rampant materialism, our debt driven society, or our foolish desire for an independent existence pushed to the extreme. For right now, in the life phase that I'm in, I choose the latter because it's the most painful.

Why do we push people away if they get too close? Why is our personal space (physical and metaphorical) the latest ammendment to the Bill of Rights? Hmm...at the same time, why are many so desperate for a connection that they will knowingly walking into exploitation or abuse for a few moments of an embrace that only appears loving...that only appears fulfilling?

--------------------------------------------

Seeing genuine human interaction, social structures, and family units are a few things that I will fondly remember from my overseas trip. In a lot of places around the world, people do family right. They do friendship right. They do hospitality right. And although I may just be blinded by nostalgia, I greatly value and prefer relationships and people to our time and money enslaved individualistic society of people either too busy or mean to care. It saddens me to discover that I'm infected as well; I have to combat my socialized instincts to look inside my self for help (alone), to pull myself up by my own bootstraps, to internalize my thoughts, struggles, and pain. My propensity to believe the lie that I am my job (or lack of one! Being unemployed I must be less than nothing), that I am my earning potential, that I am my education, that I am everything except a child of God. Because...well, a child is dependent and weak, reliant and trusting. And why wait on God when you damn sure get out there and make shit happen ALONE.

and I thought about it. I thought about acting in faithless ways--refusing to be prayerful, never asking for counsel. Skipping church! *gasp*

I'm not blaming anyone. We're all victims. Arrogant, proud and struggling not to shatter to a million pieces in front of anyone. There is only one savior for this problem--Christ. And we must focus our attention upon him.

Our disappointments

Our pains

Our lonliness

Even our desire for community has a God-given role--Christ's body of believers. And we gotta start getting real.

Dual Allegiances

2009-09-26T20:53:00.005-04:00

Do you ever feel privileged to be American? Have you ever wondered why YOU of all people throughout the millennia of years and cultures landed here, in 21st century America? Overwhelmingly, we don't worry about or even doubt the recommended 3 square, daily meals. We have never had to walk farther than a few feet to reach fresh water and prefer remaining ignorant of the fact that our food was once alive, killed, and then neatly packaged for our pleasure. Our houses are rigged for electricity, water, and controlled temperatures. Our floors aren't mud, and our actual mud rooms may be bigger and nicer than many homes around the world. The vehicles we command (usually alone/one per person) are modern achievements in luxury. Has it ever occurred to you that nearly every aspect of your existence is built upon the back of someone else, some how our pursuit of heaven on earth has created a parallel hell for someone else? Are we to be held responsible? Is our ignorance forgivable, tolerable, punishable? Is our indifference damnable?

Sometimes I'm frightened by how so many of us hold America/capitalism up as the golden rule against which to judge and condemn nearly every other culture, country, form of government. I fear that our Christianity has become very insular. Are we to fully expend our energies fighting Obamacare? What about the fight to "preserve" our union, to revert back to some nostalgic period of God's perceived unfettered grace? Is our faith to be dominated by 21st century Americanisms? Aren't there bigger issues outside of our union?

I question these things. I question if we have the right to expend one ounce of energy on insular American issues while we co-sign and ignorantly celebrate fragrant human rights abuse abroad. When God stamped us American, many of us forgot to read the small print of the damaging toll of manifesting our destinies, our insatiable desire to pursue happiness and excess at the cost of other human souls.

My dad always told me of the difference between a blessing and what God simply allows you to have. And I fear that we've mistaken God's license of our excess as a divine blessing. "Too easily and too often, we spiritualize Western forms of capitalism and demonize socialism to justify over-consumption and unresponsiveness to the global demands of justice and equality. We theologize material provision as 'God's blessing' while failing to recognize that perhaps the material provision placed in our trust may, in fact, be intended to advance God's kingdom or benefit someone else....There is nothing we have done in the so called Developed World to earn our fortunate position, and God does not owe us any favors. The 'accident' of where we were born may, in fact, be part of the complexity of working out our salvation with fear and trembling--being born in the prosperous West may demand that we more intently practice generosity than those 'accidentally' born into hardship in Africa, Asia, or South America. The 'accident of being born in North America may be the eye of the needle that we have tried so hard to push our camels through."

I wish that we could be united in fighting for the Kingdom around the globe. Even if not every slave could be freed, every migrant worker given justice and just pay, and every impoverished person draped in velvet and fed steak, they may know of an inheritance waiting in Heaven--a relationship with God that gives them back their humanity, and embraces his loving and sustaining nature.

But on what basis can we preach heaven to those suffering through a kind of hell because of our excess, greed, indifference, or even ignorance? I'm talking about child labor, illegal migrant workers, inhumane conditions fueled by our demand for excess and cheap labor. There are many ways that we, inadvertently even, contribute to atrocities across the globe--and not just Americans either.

This is an appeal for simplicity. This is an appeal for knowledge and genuine introspection. Lord knows that I'm trying.

Appendage 1: China Labor Watch

Appendage 2: Book, Simple Spirituality

Appendage 3: Up yo knowledge of migrant workers and exploitation

Direction for the Future

2009-09-25T22:40:00.004-04:00

This past summer was rough. I sat at my parents house (6 years after leaving it) and electronically applied for jobs, naively attempting to jump start a career in a really crappy economic climate. In between career searching, I would career search even more! I drove to Atlanta to gain further exposure to the job market. I'm blessed to have had a friend to stay with; he encouraged me many times to not give up, but specifically, to find a job in ATL so that we could split the rent. It's a nice notion, I guess. I refused to accept just any job to pay the bills in the meantime. I know so many people who do this and end up trapped and caught in a cycle of simply working to survive. This is a fear of mine, and I will fight this (even if it may be inevitable).

So, I returned to my parent's home from an unsuccessful Atlanta trip. Days turned into weeks. Weeks into months. And this....I cannot d0! I've never been unemployed this long; I've never had so much time to obsess about life. This past summer, I questioned everything from my faith, to long standing "friendships," whether I would ever get married, even if I wanted to, traveling back overseas, debt, teaching, and oh so much more.

With so much time to think--and become one lonely sucka--I decided that graduate school would be the best viable option at this time in my life. Now if you've been following my blog, you would know that I hate college debt, and the thought of graduate school during my time of coping with my debt was repulsive. Well, people change. Circumstances change, and I welcome new revelations in my life.

This excerpt from my application letter sums up my life direction:

_________________________________________________

I am deeply committed to understanding the nature of human development and personal wellness. I wish to engage those around me with the expertise and clarity that a Master of Arts Counseling degree from Central Michigan University will provide. Specifically, I desire to study and be a part of the healing process for victims of substance and sexual abuse; in connection, I also wish to study the effects of abuse on relationships and how to help mend lives holistically. I choose the Professional Counseling option because my goal is to become a licensed professional counselor.

A licensed professional counselor must be educated and knowledgeable, but he or she must also have had revelatory life experiences, enabling empathy and ingraining a sense of civic duty. Many aspects of my past and present have shaped—and are continually shaping—who I am and who I will be as a professional counselor. Many of my earliest memories are of service within and through community churches. I learned at a young age that people have innate value and, equally true, a life story worth listening to. This lesson learned was fortified while I volunteered and taught English in the city and slums of Bangkok, Thailand. There, out of my element and literally across the globe, I saw firsthand the universality of human frailty juxtaposed to the indomitable spirit of men, women, and children resilient to the tangible effects of despair, crime, and poverty. Sex trafficking in Thailand is proliferating, leaving its victims in a wake of addiction and hopelessness. I desire to help people, much like the Thai abuse victims, find freedom and wellness. Although I spent only two months in Bangkok, Thailand, stories of substance and sexual abuse greatly touched me, and I became empowered to work for change...

_________________________________________________

So this is my new direction. I'm incredibly excited, and I can't wait to leave Georgia for Michigan!

Soon (in about a 1.5-2 years) I will be a writer, artist, and Licensed Professional Counselor!

God is good in the good times, great while in the desert, and your life when all else has collapsed.

Ladies, what are you doing!

2009-08-28T13:14:00.004-04:00

This topic for a PSA has been in my head for about two weeks now, next to the last Sunday in fact. But it took this AMAZINGLY ON POINT video to help me articulate what I feeling.

For the record, I don't know anything about "AndreasChoice." She seems like a cool woman who, from the video alone, appears to have her head on straight. Please watch and listen.

Her message is right on, especially for the Christian crowd. Lemme take you back two weeks ago: August 16th in Athens started a little 'off' for me. I was late waking up, and for some reason I thought that church started 30 minutes later than it normally does--so I was late. I hate being late. To make matters worse, this Sunday is when most UGA students arrive or return to town, so the church is wall-to-wall PACKED! Of course By the time I drove around the area to find a parking space, created my own area to park, and hit the sanctuary doors, I was really late. The only seats where in the very back (which I don't hate or prefer..really. Just meh.)

I walk in to worship the Lord and fellowship with believers, but some chikas apparently had other things on their minds. Maybe the club let out just in time to make the early service....the prior night was too much to handle...or they got dressed in the dark by a veteran street walker...but a few girls who were in front of me were definitely dressed seductively. I was very distracted. Now I'm not into hiding flesh behind burkas or making women conform to unreasonable standards of propriety, but where is the line when it come to church? Because I couldn't see it....in fact, all I saw was sheer, tightly conformed fabric and low neck lines.

I don't know what the intentions of these young ladies where, but they definitely hindered mine and those, I'm assuming, of other godly men who really look to Christian sisters and the church to model modesty and promote purity. Sisters, if you gotta worry about a panty line, don't wear it to church. If you gotta worry about your goddies spilling out (on the top or bottom), just keep it in the closet. And I issue a challenge to you if I this doesn't describe you: confront the women who are described here, cause it's unacceptable. Because low self esteem ain't hot, and the church setting is not for you to boost your ego by attracting glares and attention.

Imagine

2009-08-24T17:43:00.004-04:00

Sometimes I can't help but imagine what more we could do as American believers to advance the gospel. This post is almost directly related to my prior one a few weeks back (below). I'm reminded of the substandard conditions that many people and believers survive in around the world--the significant majority of people on this planet. It is my belief that we American believers have very ethnocentric worldviews regarding what is acceptable, what is waste, what is excess, what is simply not enough. As K.P. Yohannan states in his book, Americans are big people who drive big cars and live in big houses. We're consumers through and through, and moderation is a foreign notion for many of us. But my heart really tugs me to question not only our personal consumption and spending, but what that amounts to when believers get together to form a church body--I think they are inseparable. Think with me for a few minutes:

How would our lives/churches change if we consumed less AND also had less of a consumerist attitude regarding even the church setting?

Individuals

- Do we really have to upgrade our houses and appliances for cosmetic purposes alone? This question emanates from watching too many design shows. Apparently your kitchen aint #($* unless you have stainless steel appliances, granite counters, and slate floors. This is the new standard of wasteful spending.

- Does our spending always have to match our income? I remember being in college and surviving off minimum wage + tips. Sure I shared an apartment and my expenses were subsidized by my 'rents, but I managed. If I were to land a $40,000 job, would I innately have to "upgrade" my life, and to what extent?

gated community?

nice new car?

luxury apartment for one?

Churches

- What if we didn't have such large operating budgets? Seriously! Hundreds of thousands of dollars each year in salaries and astronomical utility costs eat away at our ability to raise money and give...send it out. Was the renovation necessary? Was it a good use of God's money? What about the cosmetic changes? What about the staff? Why aren't there more volunteers to pick up the slack and ease expenses?

Why would a body of believers go into debt to build a new building when the older one was perfectly sufficient? Do we realize that millions of believers around the world worship God and experience growth in "substandard" settings? Places minus temperature control and accent lighting, expensive and plush seating, thousand dollar projectors and sound systems? What about our brothers and sisters who simply want more Bibles?

Why do our luxury buildings of worship have to sit vacant for most of the week? Vacant, but still climate controlled and well guarded/protected (adding to the ever-expanding budget). Why not temporary housing, soup kitchens, workshop areas....something.

There are ways to cut the fat! We should want to do this so that we can give more, and not just in a philanthropic way, but in a way that shares Christ and our rearranged views on money and giving--that we are willing to self-deny and avoid unnecessary luxury so that others may eat and the gospel may go out, here and abroad!

This post probably isn't very coherent, but it is something that I've been wrestling with. Our delicate American sensibilities and "Americaness" are nothing to be proud of. I believe that a stranger should be able to look at a church congregation and even the building and see something that is drastically different, placing different values on comfort and security, debt management and giving.

I cannot understand the usefulness of starting a million dollar, multi phased renovation project during the middle of a recession. When people are losing their homes, communities are falling apart, someone is going to bed hungry, and money has better, more immediate uses. If we can't care for those within our own communities, offering the compassion and generosity of Christ in our words and deeds, then we certainly don't give a damn about people across the globe--even if they are our spiritual brothers and sisters.

2009-07-29T14:43:00.002-04:00

I don't even know how many people will labor through this. I don't even know how many people will heed this. I don't know if I have just yet. Being unemployed has its benefits. No, not healthcare or a dental plan, but rather free time. I have the pleasure to read through my favorite book all over again. Here is most of the fourth chapter in K.P. Yohannan's Revolution in World Missions. This excerpt is of K.P.'s first trip to America from India, detailing his subsequent culture shock. I recommend this stellar book!

_______________________

I walk in a Daze

_______________________

As I changed planes for Dallas at JFK International in New York, I was overcome at the sights and sounds around me. Those of us who grow up in Europe and Asia hear stories about the affluence and prosperity of the United States, but until you see it with your own eyes, the stories seem like fairy tales.

Americans are more than just unaware of their affluence--they almost seem to despise it at times. Finding a lounge chair, I stared in amazement at how they treated their beautiful clothes and shoes. The richness of the fabrics and colors was beyond anything I had ever seen. As I would discover again and again, this nation routinely takes its astonishing wealth for granted.

As I would do many times--almost daily--in the weeks ahead, I compared their clothing to that of the native missionary evangelists who I had left only a few weeks before. many of them walk barefoot between villages or work in flimsy sandals. Their threadbare cotton garments would not be acceptable as cleaning rags in the United States. Then I discovered most Americans have closets full of clothing they wear only occasionally--and I remembered the years I traveled and worked with only the clothes on my back. And i had lived the normal lifestyle of most village evangelists..."

As the days passed into weeks, I began with alarm to understand how misplaced are the spiritual values of most Western believers. Sad to say it appeared to me that for the most part they had absorbed the same humanistic and materialistic values that dominated the secular culture. Almost immediately I sensed an awesome judgment was hanging over the United States--and that I had to warn God's people that He was not going to lavish this abundance on them forever. But the message was still not formed in my heart, and it would be many years before I would feel the anointing and courage to speak out against such sin...

What impresses visitors from the Two-Thirds World are the simple things Americans take for granted: fresh water available 24 hours a day, unlimited electrical power, telephones that work and a most remarkable network of paved roads. Compared to Western countries, things in Asia are still in the process of development. At the time, we still had no television in India, but my American hosts seemed to have TV sets in every room--and they operated day and night...

I was constantly aware of how large--and overweight--most Americans seemed to be. Americans needed big cars, big homes and large furniture, because they are big people. I was amazed at how important eating, drinking, smoking, and even drug use were in the Western lifestyle. Even among Christians, food was a major part of fellowship events.

This, of course, is not bad in itself. "Love feasts" were an important part of the New Testament church life. But eating can be taken to extremes. One of the ironies of this is the relatively small price North Americans pay for food. In 1998, personal expenditures in the United States averaged $19,049 per person, of which $1,276 (6.7%) went for food, leaving a comfortable $17773 for other expenses. In India, the average person had only $276 to spend, of which $134 (48.4%) went for food, leaving a scant $142 for other needs for the entire year I had lived with this reality every day, but Americans have real trouble thinking ion these terms.

Often when I spoke at a church, the people would appear moved as I told of the suffering and needs of the native evangelists. They usually took an offering and presented me with a check for what seemed like a great amount of money. Then with their usual hospitality, they invited me to eat with the leaders following the meeting. To my horror, the food and "fellowship" frequently cost more than the money the had just given to missions...

Even today I sometimes cannot freely order food when traveling in the United States. I look at the costs and realize how far the same amount of money will go in India, Myanmar, or the Philippines. Suddenly I am not quite as hungry as before. Many native missionaries and their families experience days without food--not because they are fasting voluntarily but because they have no money to buy rice. This occurs especially when they start new work in villages where there are no Christians. Remember this heartbreaking suffering of the native brethren, I sometimes refuse to eat the desserts so often served to me. I am sure this made no difference in supplying food for hungry families, but I couldn't bear to take pleasure in eating while Christian workers in Asia were going hungry...The needed money is in the highly developed nations of the West. North American Christians alone, without much sacrifice, can meet all the needs of the churches in the Two-Thirds World.

A friend in Dallas recently pointed out a new church building that cost $74 million. While this thought was still exploding in my mind, he pointed out another $7 million church building going up less than a minute away. These extravagant buildings are insanity from a Two-Thirds World perspective.

But I rarely spoke out on these subjects. I realized I was a guest. The Americans who had built these buildings had also built the school I was now attending, and they were paying my tuition to attend. It amazed me, though, that these buildings had been constructed to worship Jesus, who said, "The foxes have holes, and the birds of the air have nests; but the Son of man hath not where to lay his head" (Matthew 8:20). In Asia today, Christ is still wandering homeless. He is looking for a place to lay his head, but in temples "not made with human hands."

There is such an emphasis on church buildings in the United States that we sometimes forget that the Church is the people--not the place where the people meet.

[Not Worth Remembering]

2009-07-28T00:31:00.004-04:00

Do you ever get the feeling that we're doing it all wrong? That we have it backwards? Life isn't truly the end-Death is birth? Sacrifice really doesn't cost anything-Selfishness takes all that we have. Trusting Christ is easy-Living alone is hell. Humility in acknowledging that you're f'd up. Pride in knowing you have unconditional love.

As a believer you say that you've changed. Quiet times produce principles to live by, truths to a deeper reality revealed. Yet nothing really changes.

Christian executed in North Korea. Her family has disappeared as well. A worldwide connection of underground churches, expecting God's provision and protection--asking only for copies of God's word.

People starving for truth, only to hear a cross of condemnation. Everything about about us is shallow. Our attention span is .03 seconds. The love we have for others is returned only when it is first offered. The love we have for strangers is....is....there it went.

Did you ever think we could be so far off? Multimillion dollar buildings housing souls damned to Hell, within communities held captive to sin. Edifices funded because of competition, pride, and greed. Did you think? Do you think? If we don't, we will all become victims of our culture, our own sinful, selfish nature.

Behavior modification is the new gospel. We prefer pretty, clean-shaved sinners who curb their behavior just enough to pass as a Christian. We don't really want people who believe and desire to follow Jesus' words, do we? They're kinda....hardcore, no? If only we could legislate morality--Jesus will be pleased, yeah?

Would he? What if he glanced over your bank statements? Imagine how our excess appears before the omnipresent God. The same God who hears the prayers of those in prison, in poverty, in hiding, under persecution, undernourished, under loved, under the penalty of sin.

But....we don't really care. Let's be honest. We are only products of our culture, and thus we must compartmentalize our existence. If something is too tough or too real, it gets ignored or discarded.

Kinda like this: "For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me...whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me."

Who needs that when we can simply add "Obamanomics: trickle up poverty" to the bumper of our luxury cars before we pull into our million dollar church building. The one near the gated community--not the one on the bad side of town.

Kinda like this: "If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless."

Who needs this one too! Couldn't we reach the end quicker if we only "altered" the means? Isn't it better to hate homos--'cause if you love them you might look like a lily-livered, fag sympathizing, liberal. It's also better to stand for family values, even when no amount of values ever saved a soul. Even while the churches are filled with men who deplete their bank accounts with pornography charges, daughters who are forced to get abortions secretly, and wives so filled with gossip and worldliness, Satan has taken up permanent residence underneath a cross-tipped steeple.

But remember, these questions aren't necessary, and neither is the faith of many.

I can feel it in the air...

2009-07-23T11:56:00.003-04:00

Just a quick update in between designing a website and making an outline for a proposal...and trying to get a JOB!

- Last night I stumbled upon this question and what it meant to me:

What is success for a believer? How does it contrast and compare to success for someone who doesn't believe? I can feel a new thought bubble inflating in my brain. I'll post as soon as I can fully flush this one out. Feel free, however, to drop your thoughts on me.

At Least I've Been Consistent...

2009-07-16T01:12:00.004-04:00

consistent in my hatred for college. Before I ever set foot on a campus, I hated the idea of college. Back in 2001-02, frankly I was intimidated by the coursework and offended by the costs. Now, 8 years and a degree later, I am no longer intimidated by much of what academia can throw at me; however, reality is settling in after graduation, and I am pissed beyond belief at the financial damages of my reconsideration of going to and returning to college.

You would probably be shocked if you knew my story regarding academics. High school was hell for me. I routinely threatened to drop out, but stayed the course for my mother's sanity and pleasure. Both her and I knew how sincere I was. Thus she earnestly begged...often. I swore off college but felt pressure to leave my hometown. Went to school in Savannah. Hated that too. Returned home early. Took time off from college. And in what I can only deem to be God's providence, resumed my college career in Valdosta. I later became a Christian there. All of this is fine and dandy.

What is not fine and dandy--what really cooks my goose--what makes me see red--is the culture of financial irresponsibility and debt that permeates the campus, infiltrates the mind, suffocates dreams, and condemns the student to become a working stiff. Nearly every college graduate walks away with MASSIVE debt, both to the government and banks.

As a new student, I don't remember ever caring. I took liberties with borrowing excessively and playing ping-pong in the lobby for hours. I was financially rewarded with a pizza and other gimmicks for signing my name on a Bank of America credit card application. But I didn't care then. My ignorance and shortsightedness, along with others', was fully exploited. Thankfully my attitude began to change around my junior and senior years. By then, however, I had already succumb to piles of loans. So I started working harder (I worked before, but for pocket change, not rent and bill money). I cut back on my expenses, and I did alright my last year in college.

But what undergirds everything that I'm saying here, is the notion that college is worth it. It is the belief that somehow and in some way, college will make your life better and your future brighter. All you have to do is pay to become a "better" person. Let me tell you something. I was sold a bad investment. An investment is the act of devoting time, energy, and effort into a particular undertaking with the expectation of a worthwhile result. I got hit with a bait and switch. I never knew how much money, effort, energy, and time college would require, and by the time I did, I was in too deep. I could just walk away without THE piece of paper--and that's the point. I was initially starry-eyed and sold on the American dream's bus that let out at Valdosta State, only to to become trapped in a cycle. I can honestly say that college was the worst decision of my life. A decision that will haunt me for the next few decades at least. Few? Yep! And I'm only a couple old...

If you're thinking that I'm bitter about not finding a job, you would only be partially right! But entertain this: even if I were to land a job making average pay, I would still be upset at the financial rapage that just took place. Why is life's main path through financial disaster and exploitation only to reach a possible redemption...later? My God! This is not okay. Where are the alternatives, and why wasn't I made aware earlier?!

I'm partially bitter but fully enlightened to what has happened to me. The expenses of college do nothing but prepare the people of our assbackwards culture for a lifetime of debt, compounded interest, and financial burdens. Much like a mortgage, this is all upside down! I'm fully prepped and ready to pay off interest and never touch principle. I'm fully prepped to play the borrowing game well into my children's the future...perhaps with even the privilege of dying in debt!

Ugh...to clear my name and leave this country. My heart cries out. I'm fit for more than this garbage.

__________________________________________

Compound my feelings above with my burning and almost overwhelming desire to financially help my parents. It's absolutely devastating to think that after such a monstrous investment I can't even help to eliminate one of the multiple jobs they have. That's a tough, emasculating, humbling, and infuriating feeling to live with. I could interject some saying relating this to God and a greater meaning. I choose not to--not because I deny God's providence, but because I'd rather, simply, welcome you to my world.

My indignation is righteous! F' YOU, MENTALITY AND PROMISE OF A BETTER LIFE SOLD THROUGH DEBT, EXCESS, AND EXPLOITATION! F' YOU!

My indignation is righteous!

Thoughts on McNair's Death

2009-07-13T00:49:00.003-04:00

What hasn't been said about this man over the past few days? We know about his accolades, his accomplishments, and his deadly mistake. We know about his fatherless children--his wife now a widow. But I never knew the guy, and I'm pretty sure that I have never heard of him until his unfortunate murder. I don't even like football. But I've been able to assess this situation, and I have a few words to deliver (SHOCKER).

Firstly, I want to offer my condolences to the McNair family. Secondly, I want to move past him as a person because I feel that the larger message here can be found in studying the circumstances of his death, not him or his girlfriend. The large message in tragedy is this: love can be ecstasy--love can be hell, our emotions hold the key to either door.

As a product and participant of the MTV-generation way of doing things, I can fully say that we got it wrong. Sex cannot be casual; it cannot be stripped of its eternal nature. The results of people ignoring God's orders about sex are everywhere. Seriously, everywhere. From simple domestic squabbles and drama-filled teenage sexual relationships, to cases like McNair's, the consequences of straying from God's design is self-inflicted pain and hardship. Steve had a wife and children. His girlfriend had her entire life ahead of her. But the eternal bind of sex, the passion of the flesh, the heat of desire ruled them both. I hate it when people say that "she got caught up." It's a baseless thing to say, as if we are expected to disconnect sex from emotion, love, and its spiritual aspects. The real issue is why do we continue to believe that sex can be divorced from emotion and spirit? McNair's tragedy reveals the combustible nature of secrecy, deceit, and the lie that the effects of sex can be negated, ignored, or manipulated. Sex can be a lot of things, but it cannot be against God's design without partially robbing you of your God-given eternal worth.

My Gears are Grinded!

2009-07-11T22:26:00.003-04:00

I just ran across this video. It's of a performance from America's Got Talent. The performer's name is Kevin Skinner, and he's a chicken catcher apparently. Also, apparently this is extremely funny to his judges and audiences. The headline for this video likened Kevin to Susan Boyle, another sensation who looked anything but. That's great. But what really gets underneath my skin at this near mid-night hour, is the fact that this guy gets judged so harshly because of the way he speaks and his job.

I'm incredibly happy that everyone ended up with a *TIGHT FACE!* (remember that?). It just goes to show how much of an ass we all can be, especially when it comes to judging and demeaning someone else. We act like vultures tearing apart a carcass when we quickly categorize and relegate people based on superficial parameters fueled by ignorance. Kevin talked like a country boy. So what? He catches chickens. So what?

Are we so pacified in our lives that we don't see the need for or value those who's hard work keeps us comfortable in our bubbles (I went there again)? People judged this guy based on the fact that he did farm work and appeared to be a really simple kinda guy. Mind you, that this is coming from people who probably have no idea that their protein actually lived at one point. They also probably don't know how the chicken breasts get skinned and delivered to them in convenient, cutlet form. So we respect the business man and professional, but not this guy? Who is more likely to swindle you out of your money, 401k? Who is more likely to work behind the scenes doing hard work at a job that many people would not work but cannot live without the service?

Here are some words of wisdom of a biblical proportion:

"Listen, my dear brothers: Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom he promised those who love him? But you have insulted the poor. Is it not the rich who are exploiting you? Are they not the ones who are dragging you into court? Are they not the ones who are slandering the noble name of him to whom you belong?

If you really keep the royal law found in Scripture, "Love your neighbor as yourself," you are doing right. But if you show favoritism, you sin and are convicted by the law as lawbreakers. For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it." James 2:5-10

I hate our culture some times. I hate the human inclination to degrade, judge, devalue, and sin: all of the time.

Mommy, Daddy? Am I a real man yet?

2009-07-09T19:23:00.003-04:00

Moving back home is eerie and difficult. After six years of foraging my own territory and identity, I sedately returned home to an older way of life. My head was held high at first, and why not? I knew I was the S H % T. I had studied English and Fine Art; I can research my butt off, effectively communicate ideas, paint, sculpt, and expertly move across the entire Adobe Creative suite of software. I'm a wordsmith an artist. Surely someone would want me. I have two internships to my credit, three years of industry experience, and a large and diverse skill set to present to any future employer. I mean, who wouldn't want me? I freakin' redesigned Valdosta State's graduate literature. I handled the editing and artistic vision. I freakin' went overseas and taught English! I'm too hot to handle, and definitely beyond an entry-level position. Again, not only was my head held high, it was full of these notions.

Two months later

I'm desperate, and I've repented of my haughtiness. In less than 60 days, I have been humbled, and the work of six years has faded: my independence, my pride, my self reliance. I never imagined that being unemployed would take such a devastating toll. I've worked since the age of 16, non stop. I have always been able to make my own money, and be reasonably responsible with it. But when I left my job back in May for the future prospects of a career, I was ignorant of the abysmal creative job market. "Oh, I have enough saved up," I told everyone. "I'm good for a couple of months. By then, I'll have a job."

LOL+ tears...

Being unemployed has affected my confidence. I hate, HATE, depending on other people. Even my parents. I see a real man as someone who takes care of his responsibilities. Period. Whatever the circumstance is, he gets things done. Some how in the past two months, I've slipped back from independent manhood and into adolescence all over again.

My pride has been dealt a death blow. What I saw before as right (a great job), I see now as God's provision and will. If it is, things will happen. If it isn't, they won't.

I'm typing this right now to remind myself that prayer takes precedence over mindless, mass resume mailings and habitual email checking.

I gotta remind myself to rest in him and what he has provided (my parents as a mid way between college and a career). I'm certainly not abusing this situation, however. I recognize that this is completely temporary, and I treat it as such. In the mean time, though, I need to become much more grateful for my parents and God's soverignty.

Blowing Bubbles

2009-07-07T21:43:00.004-04:00

I just arrived back home after spending a week with a really great friend in Atlanta. He and I are 'ol college friends (I can say that now as a graduate), and we have much in common. We can both be saditty as H3LL! We both suffer from the same vices: materialism and comfort. Heck, it's the American dream. I know that I've blogged about this before, but this issue has taken on a new form for me.

I want to unmask how deceptive and harmful comfort can be to any person aspiring to live like Christ.

At this stage in my life, I'm facing job prospects that promise to deliver more money than I've ever seen into my back account. Hopefully, this is a stage that most young professionals go through. It's exciting and new, but to a believer like myself, it can be potentially damaging. See, along with money comes many hopes. Money speaks to our weaknesses and longings for security and protection, happiness and excess. We have financial advisors bombarding our airwaves with ways to "secure your financial future and retirement." They make us believe that our money can make us happy until we die--that we can live a worthless life of golf

and cruises until we die of the fulfilled American dream. We are sold more and more excess daily, at an exponential rate. More shoes, more clothes, more entertainment, more food, faster food! Faster living!

Lemme tell you something: people in the uppity parts of Atlanta live fast. They have meticulously crafted existences. Many claim to work hard, and thus they played harder. In a culture of professional 20-somethings making absurd amounts of money, I felt closest to hell. Never before had I seen so many people completely and willfully disconnected from reality. I'm sure that Atlanta is not the worst of it. I'm positive. But I'm just a simple guy with humble upbringings from an average town, and Atlanta felt like hell--at times. Perhaps I need to clarify my definition of hell in this context:

Imagine a bubble

Insert in it a young professional making 50k+

He works, plays and lives inside this bubble. He buys a luxury car, stays in an upscale apartment building, only eats organic food, and prefers thin $200 tee shirts and designer jeans. There he is, floating in the air, enjoying the view. He flies higher and higher, riding the wind. He refuses to give any money to homeless people or any charitable cause. He fully believes that he has attained because of his own hard work, and thus demands the same of everyone else. He is disconnected from everyone who's salary isn't his. The bubble continues to fly. It soars above a world of suffering, hunger, pain, desperation, need--reality. And then, it pops! He is thrown to his death suddenly, like a flash of lightening. What will God make of his opportunities, his chances, his blessings, his pride, his callousness, his lack of love, his affinity for money its promises?

Over the past week, I discovered first hand that this type of life is wholly against the teachings of Christ. I was genuinely offended at the absurdity of it all. But even moreso, I began to contemplate if I could fall victim of this "dream." I believe that many people can--I being one of them. This type of life is alluring and seductive. On the surface it's beautiful, yet underneath it's a first class ticket to hell. My antidote is this: stay away! If God's Spirit dwells inside of you, he will warn you of such a life, but it's our responsibility not to play with fire. I say all of this because of the compassion that God has stored in my heart. I've worked with homeless people, people in need. I've seen some really destitute locations across the globe.

Christians should stay far away from a selfish life of self-preservation and comfort. We are not to be pacified to reality. I spoke with a Christian friend a few days back, and he told me that he could not "deal" with homeless people, passing judgement upon them immediately. I quickly responded that this is not our calling as ambassadors of Christ. Life would be easier if it was, but it is not our calling to ignore the homeless or those in need. Yeah, they smell. Yeah, many of them can have serious problems. Yes, things can be awkward. But we ought to leave room for God's Spirit to direct us, rather than turning away and closing our hearts.

People spend their entire lives building and fortifying a bubble that will eventually burst. We as Christians must combat this trend through generous giving, simple living, prayerful nights, and love-filled days.

I apologize for being scatter-brained. My thoughts are varied and burdensome. Let us turn to our maker for strength, relying upon him--not money or man.

This is what the LORD says:

"Cursed is the one who trusts in man,

who depends on flesh for his strength

and whose heart turns away from the LORD.

He will be like a bush in the wastelands;

he will not see prosperity when it comes.

He will dwell in the parched places of the desert,

in a salt land where no one lives.

"But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,

whose confidence is in him.

He will be like a tree planted by the water

that sends out its roots by the stream.

It does not fear when heat comes;

its leaves are always green.

It has no worries in a year of drought

and never fails to bear fruit."

(Jeremiah 17:5-8)

Whatever the circumstances of the believer, he is to produce fruit leading to life and salvation. If our lives aren't doing that (whether with plenty or little), then we must examine ourselves.

Where God Lives

2009-06-09T22:52:00.003-04:00

Having spent a few months overseas, I have surmised much—mostly that I’m still processing the entire experience, hence a blog post three years later. My time in Thailand was amazing. Nostalgia has fully set in, and I have to combat the natural tendency to now romanticize my past. The smells were too foreign, and the sheer volume of people could paralyze an unprepared person with fear from the lack of “personal” space. But despite these minor quips, Thailand, from a Christian perspective, revealed much to me about God’s presence outside of America. I remember reading that Christianity in its most authentic and God-empowered form works best when it is countercultural. When Christianity isn’t thought of as compulsory or hereditary, those who adhere to its claims and demands are clearly distinguished from the general populace.

I follow the reports of many of my Christian brothers and sisters in India. Through Gospel for Asia, I’m made aware of the conditions and challenges facing my kin literally across the globe. While it’s hard to romanticize the persecution and pain that many of them suffer, I do yearn for their unity and determination to persevere. I sensed this unity firsthand in Thailand. Immediately—to me—it seemed that you befriended a fellow believer, especially the strangers. There is an innate sense of community and belonging that transcends language barriers or cultural blocks; there is a familial bond that makes the spirit rejoice. To meet someone across the globe, where the culture is not Christian, who’s life was equally ravaged by a barrier-proof, timeless God inspires one of the deepest joys known this side of heaven.

If there’s one thing that America does worse than nearly every other country is the devaluing of community. Individuality is supposedly our calling to greatness as a country, the American ideal. We’re all lone rangers, wading through life independent of one another, even our own heritage. We toss our grandparents and parents into nursing homes and reduce them to mere financial responsibilities while neglecting their wisdom. We’re too busy to raise our own children. Heck, we can barely maintain a superficial relationship. Simply by being American, individuality is coded into our genetic makeup, and from a Christian perspective, this is extremely dangerous. This has negatively affected many of my relationships. Fellowship is harder. And because our culture is “Christian” is easy to blend in and forget that we’re enlisted for God. It’s easier to kick back and watch a movie that doesn’t glorify God than get on my knees with my brother and pray for our troubles, the world’s troubles. It’s easier to blow 10 bucks on a meal and discuss nothing of eternal worth than give the good news and help supply the physical and/or spiritual needs of others.

Truly, if I (American Christians) could only take one thing away from observing how Christians live outside of America, it would be a general sense of unity. In that unity is urgency, fellowship, co-dependence, and an appreciation for one another. I want this in my relationships. I want this from my church. I need this from my church. No more superficiality. I realize that I’m coving a lot of ground here, but I’ve rarely experienced this kind of living, and I’m nostalgic of how great those few times where. When the body of Christ functions as it should, God—I believe—is most glorified. It’s such a beautiful testimony to God’s power in a time when the world is becoming so loveless.

I'm scared

2009-05-19T21:48:00.006-04:00

This is my first post as a college graduate. I simultaneously feel emancipated and overwhelmed, and I recognize that without focus, I could go nowhere really fast. And maybe that's why I decided to record my thoughts. If you're unfamiliar with who I am or my thought process, then lemme drop some knowledge about your 'ol boy on ya. I'm a self-sustaining think tank; my dreams and theories never end, and they're constantly overlapping one another, strengthening or weakening, breathing or dying. Truthfully, my mind gets in the way of many of my day-to-day actions. Things that many others take for granted, I, because of my overclocked mind, find myself completely inept at. Take the abstract for example: emotions....yeah.

I struggle to get to the point of this post:

It just hit me. I'm one hella'va anomaly. Not to boast, but I am--at least when my life is examined through the lenses of statistics and public opinion. Ex: I sometimes wear a do-rag to make sure my hair is right for a special occasion. My friends always comment about it. To them, it's as if a thin cloth transforms me into the archetype of a gangsta. One of my friends--through much prodding--honestly confessed that he would not have ever become my friend or approached me had I worn the rag when we met. He said I looked too scary and dangerous. I can find the humor in this, but I also must explore what I feel is a deeper message: To some (many?) my degree doesn't matter when I wear a do-rag. My friendly demeanor immediately isn't so friendly anymore. My smile fades and my glasses...well, I don't know what to say about them or my bad eye sight, but it probably isn't good either. The hope and promise of my life are given away, and all I receive from others is the damning stare of "no expectation." And this is my biggest fear! The lack of expectation has ruined countless lives, keep innumerous minds closed to the possibility of change, and fed cycles of destruction that will forever be generational until something or someone changes. In an instant, through a simple wardrobe addition, I join the rank and file of my brothas, and I feel the weight of "no expectation." It is too heavy! It's frightening. Think for a moment: What if simply reading a book made you a scholar? What if a basic knowledge of grammar and syntax made you a great, eloquent speaker? Oh boy! He can make verbs agree with subjects... What if the fact that you had no children dang near qualified you for a father-of-the-year award? *think about that one* What if simply holding down a job--something a MAN must do--garnered praise and attention? What if having no arrests or prison record is a delightful surprise? I hope that I'm being clear. "No expectation" gives an excuse to quit before ever entering the game. And for someone like me--heavily invested in this game--it makes me an anomaly, an exception but not the rule. Imagine if you were to be carefully examined. You were to become an ambassador. You were now the voice of your very distant and different brothers, making appeasments and appeals on their behalf.

I have over 160 college credits, and I did not have another black male in ANY of my upper division English courses. ANY. Maybe black guys don't dig English...But regardless, it was hella lonely in there, and situations easily became hostile as I was sometimes the only voice of diversity and anti-ignorant shia...
I just want to know where it happened in time. Where people like me completely fell off. At what point in time did we stop dreaming and working for a better future? Who repudiated our hope? Why is it okay to think of people like me as irresponsible and dangerous? Where does reality meet statistics, case study versus a person's life?

I feel an incredible weight. I feel weight to succeed. I feel the weight of "no expectation." To many, if I fail, I simply add to the number, the problem. If I fail, it's not earth shattering or even worth one second of anyone's time. A pin dropping in the forest would be worthy of more press... because, really...how often does a pin drop in a forest? But how often does a black man "fail" according to society? I'm sure someone has got it down to the second actually...

"every 19 seconds a black man is murdered, imprisoned, introduced to gang violence, selling drugs, sold drugs, making a bastard child, spreading an STD-- IS NOT WORTH SHIT TO SOCEITY."

People just like me...
Dang...I'm scared.

2009-04-27T22:41:00.006-04:00

Please forgive me for being direct.

I don't know you, and you don't know me. Neither have we crossed paths.

See, I'm only responding to my heart in writing you.

Somehow, I love everything about you.

I love your past, present, and our future together.

You ought to have been cherished; you ought have been protected.

As testament to God's faithfulness--your

endurance and strength enamor me

But your scales are sharp, and your skin is tough.

And when I want to come in, you push me away.

I can’t have all of you because you’ve been robbed.

In others, I see you.

At the mall and on campus.

I see you in church and on the street.

I notice every hairstyle change,

from micros to lace-fronts, perms to naturals.

I especially notice your skimpy outfits.

I'm not going to lie, you look good. Really good.

But what I notice the most is your pain.

You roam as a queen dethroned and despondent,

carrying bags on your back and the future on your hip.

Who you thought was your king was actually less than a pauper. He sold you lies and prostituted your innocence away. He played on your past, imprisoned your present, and condemned your future to poverty, brokenness, and loneliness.

They say that I’m wrong for having faith in you, for believing in your potential. But they don’t understand our future love. They don’t know of my unwritten obligation, our unbreakable entanglement that goes well beyond a shared pigmentation. See, I long to show you the depth of my happiness, the foundation of my strength and fortitude. For I was not always who I am now. No. Not unlike you, I was lost, and in between the casual sex, abuse, and feelings of abandonment, I lost my purpose—my crown, from On High, handed down. And like the many men that have hurt you, I probably hurt you the most. I gave you the future, our future, and left. The birth of a new consciousness shouldn’t be a bastard, but he is. And although we even adulterated the redemption of our existence, we are not beyond hope. Jehovah’s gift imputes our otherworldliness, our supernatural abilities to achieve beyond comprehension and attain the unseen. We need only to rely upon Him.

They say that I’m wrong for not giving up on you, but the temp’tresses of others aren’t hard to ignore because a king recognizes his queen among girls. In the future, our love awaits. There—united—our family will live beyond the pains of life and beyond our sinful mistakes, yet not beyond the life-changing grace of God. In our home, I will declare that we will serve the only living God: He who broke our chains and set us free.

This one right here...

2009-01-24T16:43:00.003-05:00

This one right here...moves me to my soul. This is how powerful and awesome our God is! He can take anyone and fill them so completely with his spirit that the old scars and battle wounds of life fade away....simply fade away in the light of his glory. Watch this video:

"It's all in the music!"

2009-01-24T01:08:00.005-05:00

Nearly two weeks ago, I drove over three hundred miles, picked up my cousin, and returned another three hundred miles home. Things between us have been extremely copacetic; we get along well enough for two people in different stages in life. I see him as a younger brother, and thus I want to protect him, especially since this is his first new home away from home. But then again, he is a grown man, and I give him space enough to grow into his own. However, he stays with me. And this is where our first real problem arises: musical taste, or lack thereof...

I can easily and without intent preach my opinions to others. I'm assertive when I speak, and it's my nature, unapologetically. If I am against something, chances are that I already have well-thought-out reasons for my stance. Sometimes I'm right. Sometimes I'm wrong. This time, I can't help but hope and pray that I'm right and not alone in my position! I'm taking a stand against, ignorant, violent, anti-intellectual, fake, noise set to a thumping rhythm intended only to lull listeners into a stupor of semi-consciousness where they reject logic, morality, and common decency for a chance to "act a monkey" on a dance floor somewhere, unleashing either their inner thug or inner slut. Whichever! I HATE THE GARBAGE THAT COMES ON THE RADIO TODAY. I can't express myself loudly enough, clearly enough, or with adequate expression of my extreme--perhaps harmful--disdain. I want people to understand that the music most people call rap or hip hop today is manufactured, packaged, sold and then disposed of one week after its release. It's completely disposable, and thus it HAS to be replaced by something even more ignorant....and soon. And I can't escape it! I'm furious because there's no haven for the weary. There's no hope of change or reason on this subject. I'm completely clusterfucked, backed into a corner where even some of my Christian friends have abandoned me.

I'm not elitist, and I don't believe that all rap music is bad. In fact, I love rap. I love it when it's authentic and real, mentally challenging and aurally pleasing. However, the stuff that my cousin listens to has "bitch, hoe, slut, fuck, suck, nigga, NIGGA," and other seemingly oxymoronic terms of endearment propagated by those who refuse to expand their mind or vocabulary. I hate the fakeness of it all. I hate how people are sold a bold-faced lie! And they willingly eat it up! Many of these child-like "men" rappers dare not live the lifestyle they rap about. I believe that this topic and my previous post blend together perfectly. If you don't have an idea of your true identity or worth, you will fall for anything. You'll believe that this type of music is okay. You'll shake your ass at the club like a stripper workin for her last dolla... You'll pretend that slangin' ain't too bad. You'll think that school is for chumps... You'll degrade women and treat them as sex trophies... You'll try to buy love with what's between your legs, thinking that you can only keep a man by outsluttin' the next woman. Wrong! You'll think that it's okay to not raise your kids or pay child support. You'll think that it's hot stuff to have a child on your hip, perpetuating a disgusting cycle of poverty and destruction. I'm preachin' and I'm mad, and I don't care. This moment right here will be carthartic in its purest sense.

I don't hate these people, however! I don't hate my cousin, and I don't hate my friends that listen to this stuff. I hate the mentality of degradation that leads someone to seek this stuff out. My friends, anything that demands you to turn off your mind and morality to enjoy is wrapped gift from the devil. Believe that.

"But I just like the beat..."
"It's not that serious...It's just music."

But it's so much more. While in your trance-like state, every notion of your morality and intellect is being challenged and forcibly overtaken by what these phonies are selling. They sell enslavement to materialism. They sell enslavement to success and money by "any means necessary." They sell bondage to pride and praise from man. Men, "understand that you are worth more than any car or broad" -Common rap lyric. Ladies, understand that your worth is not found in some disrespectful dude's attention. He doesn't define you. God created and defines us all!

"You cant tell me just who you are: you buy new clothes just to hide those scars, you built that roof just to hide those stars..." - Lupe Fiasco's Instrumental. Don't let this garbage define you or limit your capabilities as a man or woman created by and for the living God.

These things, the Bible says, will pass away! You. You will pass away as well. Don't believe the hype. "And if it is evil in your eyes to serve the Lord, choose this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your fathers served in the region beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” - Joshua 24:15

"Stop treating sex like sammiches!"

2009-01-19T15:36:00.005-05:00

This video is from my gurl, Dejhan, or SupremeDejhan as she is known on her youtube blog. This lady speaks truth, yall!

As a man, some people may think that I would have a different opinion from Dejhan about this topic. Actually, I don't. I agree 100% with my friend. I love how even-handed she is about this issue, not overly blaming one sex or the other. She touches on a mindset that many young people have: the desensitization of the effects of "casual sex" and the devaluation of ourselves and our partners. No one can pretend to be shocked, however. Whether art imitates life or vice-versa, the music of our generation explicitly reveals our scars. We believe that we can find value in EVERYTHING but truth.

"Money, clothes, cars and hoes, that's how all my niggas know..."

This simple lyric from T.I. sums up the psychological scars carried by many men, and the women repeating this chorus tell or their inward, psychological scars as well--a generation abandoned by meaning and purpose, an eternal value. I'm not an expert in sociology, but I can critically examine what surrounds me. When I look around, all around me, I am reminded of a Bible verse: "When [Jesus] saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd." (Matthew 9:36.) Naw, I'm not really comparing myself with Jesus, but I am saying that he has opened my eyes to the struggles of those around me, and even myself. At the heart of this verse is helplessness; these people are harassed and helpless, with no shepherd to protect or direct them. They will fall for anything. They will eventually be torn apart and destroyed by predators. As a man of God, this breaks my heart. I hate to see people defeated--living in despair when there's freedom that's not only available but abundantly overflowing! I feel for anyone buying into a mindset that devalues their body, soul, and spirit--and I speak from compassion because I've lived this lifestyle as well. I know the pitfalls, the empty feelings, the lack of love in your heart for another human being. We all must recognize that God created us all in his image, and if we destroy that image in ourselves or one another, we will ultimately have a higher authority to answer to....that compounded with our own misery of course.

And not to poorly transition into one of my favorite topics, but I can't pass up the opportunity!
This is why I love the family so much; this is why I talk about and promote family so much! Many of the ills of my people--I believe--can be traced directly back to the family break down. The parent/child dynamic is not to screwed with! Otherwise, we will have what we see today: boys trying to enter manhood by force and women, not knowing their intrinsic worth, attempting to purchase love and attention by "using what they got...to get what they want."
I had to quote that famous line from Playa's Club, yall!

Determined not to live in vain

2008-12-28T23:48:00.005-05:00

About two weeks back, I opened my heart to the world. The posts on the 16th and the 18th succinctly revealed my frustrations and desires. Having a heart of a shepherd, my friends, is not a trivial thing. It hurts, especially when you try to find contentment in things outside of God's detailed design for your life. This post is cathartic and revelatory. It is a battle cry for action, and (hopefully) an encouragement to those who find themselves in similar situations.

I work a dangerous job. I deliver food to people's homes. People don't always respect the delivery man, and we can find ourselves in dangerous and compromising situations. One week ago, last Sunday, I walked directly into one of them: on one of the last deliveries of the night, I was greeted at the door by two people with guns, an AR and a .45. The two people asked my name and my business while aiming the guns at me. Surprisingly, I didn't flinch. In fact, an indescribable calmness came over my body as I matter-of-factly told them that I was a delivery man and that someone had ordered wings to their address. Laughter broke the tension of the 10 second stand off. And seemingly just that fast I was sent on my way with dozens of apologies and a decent tip. Well, I've had time to think about it all. I know the guns were real because the guy unloaded the rounds in front of me. The initial stand-off was real. I had never had a gun pointed at me before, much less two! Throughout the week, the danger of it all slowly seeped into my being. I could have easily been killed. Hmm... The large AR rounds would have easily destroyed my body.

I'm proud of myself for not flinching, not freezing. I'm confident in knowing that there's a God in heaven who looks after and loves me, directing my every step. And if it was my time to die that Sunday, then I welcome the idea of being in the presence of my heavenly father!

"We always carry around in the our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body." - 2 Corinthians 4:10-11

So while I am alive, I die for the Gospel's sake, living for God's glory, not my own. And I can only hope that I get to die for something greater than a robbery. It may seem crazy to someone who doesn't know the Lord like I do, who doesn't desire to give it all for a TRUTH so amazing its worth is unfathomable. God is real. His provision is enough. His sovereignty is unshakable.

My shepherd's heart won't let me settle for anything outside of God's purpose for my life. I believe that God has destined me for something better! And no, I'm not special. I believe that God calls everyone to live for a higher purpose--knowing him and making him known. This is the pearl of great value: that a TRUTH so pure raptures your mundane existence and speaks to every frailty of your humanity, healing you and reinstating you as the child of God you were created to be. Certainly Jesus is worth everything!

Yet my sin and my sinful surroundings refuse to comply. I'm an American, and there is nothing simultaneously as beautiful and hideous as the "American dream." The fallacy that you can live a neat and tidy life of peace, love, material contentment, wealth, and excess before being jettisoned to a huge, puffy cloud mattress in the sky named "heaven." Heaven is for everyone, and there is no cost. It's compulsory. There is not truth worth dying for, nothing worth true sacrifice. People aren't in pain, and souls aren't being lost. Life is great, and heaven will be only slightly greater, right?

Every day I battle this juggernaut of profanity. God's pure and perfect purpose for creation is blasphemed everyday, and I must not participate. I believe that it is only by striving for holiness and remaining unstained by sin that God will open your eyes to your unique calling. Let him reshape your world, your outlook, your desires. I don't fear death because I've been sharing in Christ's death through obedience and faith. But while man may only be able to destroy my body, I must guard my heart against the pull of this sinful world--everyday being renewed.

Caylee vs. Katrina: 1-0

2008-12-21T15:51:00.004-05:00

Her precious picture is plastered all across the national media. Her disappearance in July of this year sparked an onslaught of national coverage, and why not? For some reason, Caylee has become more than a local story--her disappearance and the subsequent finding of her remains have been a media mainstay for quite a while. What happened to her is a tragedy, and I pray for justice to be done, the perpetrators found, and her family's healing. Truly sad. However, in between ground searches and a CSI style investigation, a new story broke: vigilante groups in predominately white-only areas of post-katrina New Orleans outright murdered blacks for trespassing. Not only did they murder and wound innocent, unarmed blacks, they're unrepentant. So blatant, these "freedom fighters" confessed--boasted--on camera before the entire world. Check out the video below, pay specific attention after the five minute mark. (5:15-7)

"It was great! It was like pheasant season in South Dakota."
"I am no longer a yankee. I've earned my wings...he understands the N word now."

Now I've posted other disturbing videos before, specifically during the election season. But what makes this video so damaging is that we're all potentially looking at boastful, arrogant, racist, opportunistic murderers. And nothing is being done about it! Tell me, is this not newsworthy?
Caylee was born very close to the date that Katrina first made landfall. Her parents recently received some small bit of closure. Where is the closure and justice for those murdered in this scenario? Innocent Americans were preyed on in their most desperate moments! Domestic terrorism is alive....always has been. Not many care, however, because the terrorist are red, white, and blue, gun-totin', patriots who simply are doing what they feel is necessary: killin' niggers when given any opportunity! Blacks have historically been terrorized, and historically, no one has cared...and now, it seems, little has changed. From the government's complete ineptitude, piss-poor preparation, to media demonization of "looters," and now racists' justification for killing....It's all a sad state of affairs. But hey! They found the remains of a cute, little white girl! And OJ is headed to jail. It's heaven on earth, right?

What to do about that shepherd's heart.

2008-12-16T01:29:00.003-05:00

What if you've always known it, but couldn't speak it, couldn't fully comprehend it. What if you felt it each and every day, and it pulled your heart down. You need relief, but from what exactly you cannot explain. Shhhh...God is at work.

I desire to fix what I don't feel that I'm capable to fix. I desire to help in ways that I'm completely inept. I want to be there for those who have no one, yet I often feel the same way. How can someone so broken yearn to heal not himself, but others? I can't fully understand it. I promise.
My weaknesses turn into my benefits. My struggles and scars serve as tutorials. The praise belongs to God alone, because only an all powerful being could change this heart.
He has put me in a unique situation, given me unique struggles, and a produced in me a shepherd's heart. Now what, I do not know. Pray for me, my brothers and sisters.

I'm still alive...just barely!

2008-12-16T01:21:00.002-05:00

The semester is over, and I am thrilled! This short post is a continuation of the post below from nearly a month ago. Things for me will undoubtedly get easier in the coming few weeks and months. I get to see my beloved family for the holidays. And I will return to college for one more semester--two courses left. God has been so good to me. I can't formulate enough praise in my mind, and I certainly can't articulate enough. He's definitely taken me out of my element, transformed me, and is sending me off to do his will...whatever and where ever that is for me specifically.

I'm so excited.
I'm so terrified.
With VSU, I'm so DONE!

Frustration

2008-11-18T22:36:00.006-05:00

Have you ever experienced extreme frustration at God's providence over your life? I mean the really down and dirty kind of frustration that (seemingly) forever plunges you into a perpetual state of denial, anger, confusion, acceptance, and then dejection. While in this state, the "true life" that Jesus promises can seem elusive. Has God sold us--me--a lemon? I think about this because I am, and have been for months, living in a cycle of frustration at what I can only deem and hope to be God's "providence."

I hope it's God's providence because I can't make sense of my situation if it isn't his all-knowing, all-powerful, benevolent hand over me right now. Otherwise, I'm subjected to the complete futility of this world. These are the extremes that I've faced for months. On one hand, I want what I do not have; I desire what I dare not touch. My hopes and dreams seem forever out of my reach, taunting me and proving me to be a failure. My sin is that which may kill me--independence from God. Sex, drugs, booze, a "good time," laziness, wealth, lies and deception: I'm human, and I've wanted it all. Mostly, however, I've wanted to graduate college and get the hell on with my life. And I've vowed to do just that, even if it kills me. I'm being killed, and it ain't softly. I wrestle control from God at every opportunity. He tells me to slow down, focus on him; I add more classes and responsibilities and remove him from my routine. My routine nearly does kill me, and I'm left angry, unhappy, alone, and feeling removed from God. On the other hand, God is calling me to sacrifice my desires for what I can only imagine to be is a "greater purpose." My friends say that my time isn't up here in Valdosta, and I nearly blow a gasket--if not my brains out--at the thought of staying here a second longer, even if it is what God wants. He's had his time, hasn't he? I've been in school for 5 years and some change. I've become a Christian, gained friends, lost friends, gained and lost love, traveled across the world, discovered my passion in life, and drowned myself in college loans. Game over, God. "Game over. I'm done with this," I say. "Next!" As if it isn't humiliating still being here. As if I like taking these classes. You know, most people who make a career out of college do so because they party too much or can't cut it. That's not my case. I kept Hope Scholarship for all 127 hours, peaking at a 3.7 average. I've taken a full coarse load every semester of every year. I will probably graduate with nearly 160 credit hours! My problem is that I listened to bad advice, got poorly advised, and followed what I thought at the time to be God's will: changed my major at 90+ hours.
So my desire to follow my calling produced a slew of frustration in my life. I'm not blaming God. Rather, I blame myself for being so half-hearted about following his will. Instead of trusting that he wants me here, I whine about my time here, becoming ineffective in my ministry. Instead of relying upon God for strength, I've turned inward, hoping to muster up enough energy to make it through the day. It's not there.

My life for the past few months has been a testament to the futility of being half-hearted for God. If you accept his calling and wish to follow his will for your life, you must surrender it and trust him completely--even against your "better" judgment and the advice of friends, and especially the world. Otherwise, you could end up like me. Frustrated beyond understanding, yet hopefully not beyond Hope himself.

-I feel that this entry isn't typical for my blog. But I had to make an exception because I absolutely had to document (as best as I could) my feelings, successes, and subsequent failures...

A Shiver Over My Body!

2008-11-05T14:41:00.005-05:00

This stir the worst in me. I'm beyond many words right now.

"UNICEF has described last week’s stoning of a 13-year old girl in Somalia as ‘deplorable.’ The girl was stoned to death in a stadium of spectators in Kismayo on 27 October 2008 after having been found guilty of adultery. Reports indicate that she had been raped by three men while traveling on foot to visit her grandmother in the war-torn capital, Mogadishu. Following the assault, she sought protection from the authorities, who then accused her of adultery and sentenced her to death."

You know, I don't expect Barack Obama to do anything about this. In fact, he may not even know; he's not omniscient--contrary to what you may have heard. But there is a God who is, and he's all-powerful as well. And contrary to the way things may seem at time, he is in control. Things inevitabily will get worse around the world, and this will be a testament to man's depravity, not a presidential selection. Obama's hope should be our hope. But we who believe scripture know the destination of sinful man. So in a time of great triumph, celebration, and hope, believers must never forget that there's a bigger struggle than some culture war or election. There's a need for true liberation and truth. This is really all that I can say about this now. Just pray.

Voter Suppression and Initimidation

2008-11-03T12:17:00.002-05:00

News stories about voter suppression and intimidation have been trickling out of the mainstream media. People are reporting false flyers, dishonest robo calls, and intimidating letters. There was a flyer that was sent out to a mostly african-american community that encouraged people to vote on November 5th. Although this is humorous, it's also sad. Other would be voters are reporting that they've been harassed by "investigators" who have threatening to call immigration. Fliers are circulating, again, in some minority communities, that warn voters that they could be arrested if they have unpaid parking tickets or prior convictions.

Regardless or who you are or what you believe--whatever party you belong to--voter intimidation is wrong, anti-american, and could be seen as racist, classist, sexist....whatever. There's a genuine feeling that the control of power is shifting, even if slightly, and it's got people's panties all in a bunch. People should not be disenfranchised, ever.

I'm kinda reminded of this jerk I have a class with. He suggested that homeless people be barred from voting. Why? Because they don't pay taxes. Yep. This made sense to him--because he heard that Obama's people were registering the poor. So if you don't have a mailing address you lose your right to vote in his America.....just reminded me of him.

Where is Jesus--the personhood of checks and balances.

2008-10-30T00:53:00.002-04:00

Where has our leader gone? Was he ejected or dethroned?
Has he been silenced or forgotten? Perhaps left behind?

Many of my thoughts have crystallized over the past few months. I feel as if I have been offered the opportunity to peer into the hearts and minds of millions of people. This is like a living, breathing epiphany--ever occurring. Always before me.

This election cycle has resurrected many of the same ideas and tactic, beliefs and fears of a near forgotten America, pre-civil-rights. The ghosts of the past have come back to haunt a new generation all over again. The "undead" are walking among us! And I say this genuinely. Some people are using hatred and Jesus as a weapon. They wholeheartedly ascribe to antiquated, offensive, and narrow-minded approaches to protecting their way of life, which is, of course, better than yours, more christian than yours, and more moral.

The long, drudging months of following this election cycle has taken its toll on me. I'm tired, frustrated, angery, sad, happy, and confused. Mostly, however, I'm disappointed; I'm disappointed in believers who continue to buy into the propaganda-like drivel that has been spoon-fed into "evangelical" circles now for many decades, if not centuries. The notion that believers must bring about a Christian revolution (by any means necessary) has proven itself to be broken. By clinging to their Bibles, tuning out their intellect, and being lead by their prejudices and fears, many believers have been completely manipulated into living for a lie. James Dobson's battle cry of bitterness has been issued in his "Letter from 2012."
Because I don't care to fully summarize his lengthy letter, I'll list a few highlights with bullets. I encourage you to read the full letter, however.

In Obamaland, 2012
•There is a very liberal supreme court
•Israel has been nuked
•America has suffered multiple attacks on our own turf
•Government spending is out of control
•Energy costs have skyrocketed beyond what they are currently
•The 1st amendment has been tossed aside. Christians now participate in hate speech, and meetings, beliefs are hindered if not completely prohibited.
•Iran is nuclear
•Russia is bullying again, and this time, unchecked

"My friends," as John McCain would say, this is simply the poopery! The tone and tenor of Dobson's letter depicts a desperate man, wanting to hold on to an America that we (most of the nation) are too eager to reject. He is as antiquated as his tactics of fear-mongering. "Obama is too dangerous. He's not like us. His America is different from yours," are common talking points from McCain, Palin fans. "He's a muslim," many people fully believe, forsaking their God-given brain cells. And most recently, people label him as a socialist or redistributionist! Gee Golly Darn! He only wants to reverse the most asinine tax breaks ever!

The worst of America has been incited by this election cycle. The uglies have come out of hiding because they no longer fear being denounced. Political correctness has been sacrificed, and many hate-filled people now parade at political rallys.

Take a gander at either of these videos: Video1, Video2 .

This, again, "My Friends," is deplorable, and Dobson's letter from the future uses the same tactics of fear that these people too easily fall victim of. How any believer can spew hateful, xenophobic, racist rhetoric like that is beyond my comprehension of the scriptures and even human logic.

For if the Bible says that you cannot love a God that you cannot see and hate a man that you can see, what type of mathematic equation are these people using--because I"m sure that they are "Christian," right?

The religious right is a joke, and they have been for a long time. I will admit that they do stand for many Christian values. Sure. But! The end does not justify the means in this case. You cannot spread vicious messages of hate and fear, slander Barack's character (also against the Bible), and all but declare war against unbelievers. We've been there, people! Crusades anyone?

When Christians feel too uppidy to obey God, they start going about HIS business on their own terms. Also! They use the Bible/Jesus a bullet in their own gun of prejudice, hatred, racism, fear, anger, pride. Depravity. So where is the system of checks and balances?

Where are the moderate believers--the ones with some common sense--in all of this?
Where is Jesus in all of this? How can people so carelessly abuse his name and message?
How did HIS message get lost in the agenda of "believers" ? Our agenda is sinful and ugly. It's as despicable as our true nature. It's self-preserving. It's selfish. It's opportunistic.

It's NOT ATTRACTIVE.

And souls are not won. And people still die in their sins--even the religious ones who hated man but loved God.

I'm saddened by McCain's campaign. As I've said before, it bothers me that he has not denounced the racist vote. But again, why would he since he rallied them from their Burroughs, right?

There are sins of commission, and sins of omission. McCain has some how fused both, forming the ugliest, most contradictory message ever. Because if God is behind McCain or even republican party, I somehow feel that he would be contradicting himself and his message of love. He spoke out against wrongdoing. He didn't incite the worst in people! He, by himself, is the best in people.

Believers claim to be about God's business, but lack the faith to carry it out. We often use our own intellect, modify the message, and generally go about it the best way we see fit. This approach leaves us frustrated (much like Dobson here), confused, and angry, and little lasting fruit from our labor. This is the state of believers who are stuck in a perpetual cycle not knowing how God relates to our politics/issues. This happens when someone from "on high" hands down a ten commandments of how to vote if you are Christian. They have an agenda, and it may not be pure or from God. I stopped subscribing to it a long time ago--I stopped being a pawn in a losing war because of failed tactics that don't seem too Christian...

We gotta submit ourselves to God and seek his way, removing our sinful nature from the picture!

If you want to vote for McCain because of the abortion issue. Then fine. But dangit, let us stand united against the dirty campaigning, racist rhetoric, and fear-mongering. These do nothing but cover up the real issues.

Be a sheep to God, not to American politics.

Da Truth pt. 1

2008-10-27T16:43:00.002-04:00

I came across this post a just a few moments ago. This has to be the most thoughtful, succinct, and well-articulated rundown of McCain's shabby presidential campaign. I have an affinity for truth and recourse, and until the election is over or the shannagans cease, I will continue to post what I feel to be a required and rightful outcry.

The original post can be found here. But for convenience, I'll post most of the article here--'cause I love you all so much, right? Note: it's lengthy, but worth it. I promise!

Desperation Makes for Dangerous Politics

Saturday 25 October 2008

by: Dr. Wilmer J. Leon III, Ph.D., t r u t h o u t | Perspective

John McCain at a campaign rally in Westerville, Ohio, October 19. (Photo: Chip Somodevilla / Getty Images North America)

As America moves into the final days of the 2008 presidential campaign Senator McCain and his surrogates are desperately seeking any message that will resonate with the American people. The problem is that their desperate actions are resulting in dangerous and ugly politics.

Senator McCain hails himself as a maverick - a visionary and independent man who breaks from the politics of the past. Actually, McCain and his supporters are simply pandering to the conservative right and the fringe elements of America. They are not "reaching across the aisle" or "seeking consensus." His campaign is not building bridges to move the country forward; it's building bridges to nowhere. McCain and his surrogates have turned to fear mongering through racist innuendo as Senator McCain attempts to become America's 44th president.

On Sunday, October 19, on "Meet the Press," Gen. Colin Powell, a centrist Republican, offered a well-thought-through and eloquently articulated endorsement of Senator Barack Obama. General Powell clearly explained that Senator McCain's selection of Alaska Governor Sarah Palin for vice president raised his concerns about McCain's judgment. General Powell also spoke about the troubling nature of the personal attacks on Senator Obama, based on false intimations, and that: "Over the last seven weeks, the approach of the Republican Party has become narrower and narrower." He also said he became "concerned" that "in the case of Mr. McCain, he was a little unsure how to deal with the economic problems."

When asked by Tom Brokaw if race played a factor in his decision, General Powell said that he had pondered a decision for months, and that he had told Obama, "I'll give you all the advice I can, but I'm not going to vote for you just because you're black." For some reason, conservatives such as Limbaugh and George Will cannot take General Powell at his word. In an effort to dismiss General Powell's endorsement as less than substantive and provoke old racist fears, Limbaugh and Will both pointed to race as the basis for General Powell's endorsement. Limbaugh said Powell's decision was "totally about race." Will stated that the Powell endorsement, "adds to my calculation - this is very hard to measure - but it seems to me if we had the tools to measure we'd find that Barack Obama gets two votes because he's black for every one he loses because he's black, because so much of this country is so eager, a) to feel good about itself by doing this, but more than that to put paid to the whole Al Sharpton/Jesse Jackson game of political rhetoric."

Is George Will suggesting that Barak Obama has an inherent advantage in this election because he is African-American? I've always admired George Will's intellect even though I've disagreed with his politics. This statement makes me wonder; what America is he living in? What poll data is he not looking at? That's an utterly stupid assessment.

In California, a Republican group in San Bernardino County distributed a newsletter that depicted Senator Obama on a fake $10 food stamp along with images of a watermelon, ribs and a bucket of fried chicken. On an official state Republican Party web site in Sacramento County, Republicans posted a series of violent anti-Obama images and statements. Senator Obama was depicted in a turban and paired with images of Osama bin Laden, with a caption that read: "The only difference between Obama and Osama is BS." Below that were the words "Waterboard Barack Obama!" This goes right to General Powell's issues with the false intimations that Obama is Muslim.

Senator McCain has stated that Hamas endorses Senator Obama, "I think it is very clear who Hamas wants to be the next president of the United States ... I think that the people should understand that I will be Hamas' worst nightmare!"

This libelous, slanderous and inflammatory rhetoric has turned dangerous. At a recent McCain campaign rally, when McCain asked, "Who is Barack Obama?" a supporter screamed "terrorist"! In Pennsylvania during a speech by Sarah Palin, one supporter screamed "kill him" in reference to Obama.

While it is clearly understood that Senator McCain is not responsible for the actions of his supporters and those who endorse him, we do expect a man claims to break from the politics of the past to soundly and clearly disassociate himself from these tactics. Senator McCain should repudiate and disavow those engaged in this behavior in the same manner Senator Obama was forced to repudiate and disavow Reverend Wright. Instead, McCain uses Sarah Palin to spread the most vicious of the attacks. At a rally in Denver, Palin said, "This is not a man who sees America as you see it and as I see America - our opponent, though, is someone who sees America, it seems, as being so imperfect that he's palling around with terrorists who would target their own country." All may be fair in love, war and politics, but the rhetoric of desperation should at least be based in fact and not place the well-being of your opponent in peril.

There are other signs of desperation in the McCain campaign. In the final presidential debate, Senator McCain played his trump card, his ace in the hole. He invoked the image of "Joe the Plumber." A hard-working plumber in Ohio who wants to buy his own plumbing business but can't because of Senator Obama's tax policy. The only problem is that in his haste to score points, Senator McCain failed to thoroughly vet "Joe," the same way he failed to thoroughly vet Governor Palin. "Joe the Plumber," who is actually Joe Wurzelbacher, is not licensed in Ohio as a plumber (therefore, he's a guy who does plumbing, not a plumber), owes $1,200 in back taxes and is further away from owning his own business than Russia is from Governor Sarah Palin's back yard.

In a desperate attempt to demonstrate leadership and appear presidential, Senator McCain announced that he would suspend his campaign and fly back to Washington, DC, to work on the Wall Street bailout plan, saying, "We must meet - until this crisis is resolved." McCain senior strategist Steve Schmidt said the campaign suspension would include pulling McCain's television ads and halting fundraising, and that his vice-presidential running mate, Sarah Palin, would not participate in campaign events either. None of this came to be. Two days later, when the media and public would not take the bait, Senator McCain was off to Mississippi to participate in the first debate - and oh, by the way, an agreement on the bailout plan had not been reached.

If Senator McCain plans to run this country the same way that he has run his 2008 presidential campaign, he leaves the American people with a lot of questions to answer. His management of this campaign has proven to be irresponsible at best and reckless at its worst.

While watching CNN before the final presidential candidate debate, William "Bill" Bennett, neoconservative and former secretary of education under Reagan, was asked, "What do you need to see from Senator McCain during this debate?" Bennett answered, "I want to see the fighter pilot John McCain." Well, that's who we have been seeing.

Depending on which reports you read, Navy aviator and now Republican nominee for president Senator John McCain crashed four or five planes, (three or four in training and one in combat) between 1960 and 1967. At least one of those crashes was caused by his own irresponsible and reckless behavior, as his own words reveal:

McCain, 1999 (p. 159): There were occasional setbacks in my efforts to round out my Navy profile. My reputation was certainly not enhanced when I knocked down some power lines while flying too low over southern Spain. My daredevil clowning had cut off electricity to a great many Spanish homes and created a small international incident.

It's that same "daredevil clowning" and reckless behavior that he demonstrated in the Navy that has made its way into his campaign. These desperate actions are resulting in dangerous and ugly politics. It is very important to pay attention to what a candidate does to get elected. The behavior he/she demonstrates while campaigning provides insight into how he/she will govern. It also demonstrates what that individual will do to get reelected. None of which America can afford.

A Yellow Rose

2008-10-25T15:49:00.004-04:00

I envy not in any moods
the captive void of noble rage,
the linnet born within the cage,
that never knew the summer woods:

I envy not the beast that takes
his license in the field of time,
unfetter'd by the sense of crime,
to whom a conscience never wakes;

Nor, what may count itself as blest,
the heart that never plighted troth
but stagnates in the weeds of sloth;
nor any want-begotten rest.

I hold it true, whatev'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'tis better to have loved and lost
than never to have loved at all.
-Tennyson, In Memoriam

This poem is to blame for that phrase that so many live by--tis better to love bologna. Well, it's only bologna if you feel that way about the author's statement. He entire poem, In Memoriam, was written about his dead friend. He was not talking about a romantic interest. He swooned, and wailed over a dude. Yep.

And dangit, I cried. The sheer length of the poem had me on edge already. But his poem effectively translates LOVE into something understandable, accessible. However, I have a slight problem with his analysis: love is not a battling dualism of yes or no, you either love or you don't. I believe it to be much more complex. Take for example my station in life--as it perpetually seems to be. I'm loved. Sure.

But what is love without expectation?

Unconditional?
Tolerant?
Not love at all?

What is a friend that doesn't want anything from you?

loving?
Acceptable?
Not loving at all?

Sure. No one wants to be used or manipulated, and no one likes the pretense and pressure given by high expectations. But what about just the opposite? What about someone who doesn't really even want to be there, someone who just doesn't care enough to confront you when you're wrong or expect anything from you? Is that desirable? Preferable over the other side?

Nope. Not to me. In fact, I believe that it hurts the most. To be surrounded by "yes" friends, either incapable or uninterested in truly bonding, is the worst of the worst.

A Personal Hero of Mine...

2008-10-15T01:03:00.001-04:00

It's official! The $*#& has hit the fan!

2008-10-11T02:06:00.004-04:00

In the last crumbling days of what remains as the GOP, the gloves have come off. McCain is behind in almost every national poll; he is losing in the vast majority of the 'swing' states. Democrat voter registration is at record numbers. We are witnessing the implosion of the republican party--the same party that arguably stole both the 2000 and 2004 elections. After nearly a decade of complete incompetence personified screwing the country into near imminent destruction, a phoenix rises. I'm not talking about one man. I'm talking about the unified American front to take back our country.
Here's a quick recap of Bush's failures:

The Iraq War (Bad intelligence, a zealous trigger finger, and lacking foresight forced Americans to pay billions of dollars each month in a unpopular, unjustified war, killed hundreds of thousands of Iraqis and thousands of our troops. Tens of thousands of American troops have been injured. Many of them have served extended duties.)
The Economy (Check out the news...Unemployment has skyrocketed. National debt is nearing ten trillion dollars. The value of the American dollar has plummeted. Home foreclosure is the new trend apparently, too. But if this doesn't ring any bells, again, turn on ANY news station.)
The Education System (Do any small amount of research on NCLB. A cursory glance at any finding will attest to its complete failure as a national initiative.)
Our boarders are still not secure. People still struggle to pay healthcare bills.

But this isn't enough! There are people who voted for Bush's second term! Remember? Sadly, I think we all do. Lemme guess, they were probably religious, pro-lifers, or wealthy businessmen, or those longing for the days of the South's comeback...

I fear the worst has happened, however. The republican party has now--blatantly--embraced hatred, fear-mongering, xenophobia, character-smearing, racism, and anti-intellectualism as a whole.

Muslim. Too White. Too black. Elitist. Socialist. Not like us. Different. That one. Radical. Extremist. Dangerous. OTHER.

I don't wish to defend Barack against the claims against him or his character. That isn't the way it should be. The claims need to be back in facts and substantiated. The offensive, often racially-tinged claims are rarely grounded in truth. Among many Americans, there is a propensity to be uninformed. Willful ignorance is the new black...AHEM....

I have one major fault with the current republican campaign:

They have not once denounced the racist vote. In fact, they appear to court it. They appeal to the lowest common denomiator with their smear tactics and lies. Obama has been branded as "other." The funny thing is that all of this is coming around full circle!

"Kill Him," "Muslim," Terrorist," and "Traitor" can be heard above the roaring crowds at republican rallies. People have willfully become indoctrinated into believing that Barack--a family man, community activist, senator, college professor, author, first black presidential candidate, and fellow professing Christian--is unAmerican. Enough to chant "Kill Him" ....There is rage there, and neither McCain nor Palin have combated it. Hell, even addressed it really... It's despicable, and it shows a deficit in character in both the candidate and his VP.

But this is the fruit of their labor. Fear.

Sarah Palin recently said that Obama would diminish the presitige of the presidency. She was later found guilty by a federal investigation panel of abusing her gubernatorial powers in Alaska...by the way.

But here's the really frightful shia...

You see this?! Have you ever seen this kinda of joy and humor in slandering a person, rape, homophobia, or murder?! It's out of control. These people look truly joyful in their hatred.

While certainly not all, these are the conservatives...the religious right...the moral majority...the scum and joke of the freakin' earth! Hmm...now I can see how religion and racism coexisted in much of the pre-civil war south. This is an utter failure on America behalf--an utter failure on the behalf of the Christian faith...embarrassing.

I genuinely wonder how it feels to be on the side of people like this. I should ask people around me who support McCain.

Boys and girls, ladies and gents, we are all witnessing the worst of America: anti-intellectualism, hatred, fear, and intolerance. It's funny how one educated black man with a vision for hope can make so many people feel so many things...and hopefully completely crumble the republican party as we all know it. I'm happy. I will continue to sit back and enjoy the show.

Alcohol

2008-10-06T12:13:00.004-04:00

I've heard it said that "Christian" works better as a noun than an adjective.

Adjective Example: "Is that the 'Christian' thing to do?"

Noun Example: "I am a Christian."

I tend to agree with the quote above--the word "Christian" is better suited as a noun in most cases. My fear is that when the adjective form is used, what it means to be a true believer can be lost behind piety, perhaps even false piety. When faith is hidden behind piety (religion), people can easily feign a relationship with God simply through their reworked actions. All for the illusion of looking good, looking religious, some miss the whole point of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

You don't begin becoming a Christian by corralling your behavior or "cleaning-yourself-up." You can't stop drinking, cursing, or having casual sex enough to make you holy. You can't attend church enough to transform you into Christ. The real process begins inside. God initiates; you surrender your will. You are then a new creation in Christ.

All of this has to do with alcohol. I promise. Well, not even specifically alcohol. Anything, really.
I'll begin by stating the glarringly obvious if you know me: I don't like rules, and what I dislike even more are unstated, implied, or unsaid rules. I'm a rebel. I know.

Since I became a born again believer three years ago, I have had to gather my thoughts on certain issues. Hotbed ones like homosexuality, sex, cursing, drugs, stealing, cheating, lying, alcohol. Hmm...usually the Bible said much, even if indirectly. So I formed personal convictions.

Personal convictions usually don't remain personal for too long if you have good friends. I love having my ideas challenged. We can agree. We can disagree. We're different. Great. However, the topic of alcohol brings the beast out of folks. I can physically feel the weight of judgment. The glares, the running, inner thoughts...

"Is he Christian?"
"He must be weak."
"He must be very worldly..."

Hmmm....maybe I'm being narcissistic here, but this is the perception that I get when I tell people I drink or when they see me doing it. Oh boy! Don't let an old, churched person know that you drink. I can tell you from first hand experience...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
But here's the way I see it. If you don't drink, it's fine! Great. And WHEN I do, it's also fine. Great for me. But the same curteousy that the Bible mandates that I extend to you--in that I shouldn't make you stumble or look down upon you because of your faith (however great or small)--I expect from other believers.

Paul dedicates many words to a very similar issue as this one. All of Romans chapter 14 through 15:5 or so.

Check it out:

"One man's faith allows him to eat everything, but another man, whose faith is weak, eassts only vegetables. The man who easts everything must not look down on him who does not, and the man who does not eat everything must not condemn the man who does, for God has accepted him." -Romans 14:2-4

I understand that alcohol is a huge issue for many people, and that is why I try to be wise about when, where, why, and around whom I drink it. I will not bring a brewsky into a church dinner. I believe I would just be looking for trouble then.

But if some one happens to see me and my pals enjoying a meal and a drink, and sit down at the table, hopefully they wouldn't preach to me about not drinking and doing the "Christian" thing.
I won't be drunk + I'm over the legal age to drink = no problem whatsoever.

This is a very sensitive issue for me because I take my Christian liberties seriously.I hate the idea of being pious simply to impress others. I reject that entire notion, and I won't become that person--for anyone. I know that my relationship with the Lord is not about rules and regulations, guidelines and stiff observances. It's not attractive to me, and it doesn't sound like grace.

I'll stick with my mantra:

"Everything is permissible for me--but not everything is beneficial. Everything is permissible for me--but I will not be mastered by anything."

I'm angry. I'm scared. And nobody wants to address race.

2008-09-28T23:53:00.004-04:00

What does this mean to you?

I feel a dangerous mixture of emotions brewing with even just a cursory look at this photograph or anything like it. I get mad at the thought that these people used the cross of Jesus Christ to instill fear, adulterate truth, spread hatred, and proclaim white supremacy. As if the message alone was not bad enough, these klansmen and women were most likely prominent within their respective communities: police officers, church leaders, educators, business men, homemakers. They probably thought of themselves as pretty standup citizens of America. What's so scary about this photo, however, is the fact that the klansmen mindset has not disappeared, and "white supremacy" never died with these folks. Nope. Racism within America has mutated, and this years presidential election has forced it into the forefront of political conversation--where, even there, few refuse to address it. It's as if the nation is in a state of withdrawal, pretending to not notice.
A recently released (Associated Press)AP: Yahoo poll revealed that "40% of all white americans hold at least a partially negative view toward blacks, including democrats and independents." The findings cemented the reality that "one third of white democrats harbor negative views towards black--many calling them 'lazy,' 'violent,' and responsible for their troubles." Over 2,000 people participated in this survey; this sample group represents the larger whole of White America's feelings towards people like me. So does this mean that (statisically speaking) one in every three white people I meet think I'm the shits? Probably not me? What if I put on a do-rag? Hmm...But I've digressed from my point. My point, rather, my conclusion is this: America would rather put an old, war-torn, ever tied to the past, cowboy-esque, jerk with a temper [and] a pageant beauty queen turned everyday mom, arguably with little brains, in office over Obama--AN EDUCATED BLACK MAN.

This all seems like a bad nightmare in which we are playing support our look-a-like! Only this is reality! There are over 30,000 trooops injured, 4,000 dead, a humiliated U.S. dollar value, a near-crashed stock market, and looming threats abroad. And all half of the nation can say is "give me more of the same" ?!

Unfortunately, the AP poll answered most of the "why" question. Well, the poll and videos like this. Downright shameful!

What's truly worse is the alternative to Obama. In two words: Sarah Palin. It is highly probable that she would succeed McCain if he is elected (The oldest first term president with a medical history report totalling over 4,000 pages!). I don't hate women. I would've been satisfied if Hilary was chosen as a running mate to Obama. I would've been okay with Hilary heading the ticket, even if she beat my boy...But Palin ain't no Hilary. Jack Cafferty, CNN news anchor, put it best:

"Palin should scare the Hell out of you!"

John McCain executed his best, most presidential-like judgment and gambled the nation's well-being on this woman. He played politics with our future in Iraq, our crumbling markets and healthcare. He played America for a fool, and people are still eatin this dog poo up!

Frightful! Katie Couric is a lightweight, and yet she can't help but to make Sarah prove her ignorance. This junk is not cute. People need to be honest.

------------------------------
Here are a few choice words about
the current situation
------------------------------

"I'm a little confused. Let me see if I have this straight.....
* If you grow up in Hawaii, raised by your grandparents, you're
'exotic, different.'
* Grow up in Alaska eating mooseburgers, a quintessential American
story.

* If your name is Barack you're a radical, unpatriotic Muslim.
* Name your kids Willow, Trig and Track, you're a maverick.

* Graduate from Harvard law School and you are unstable.
* Attend 5 different small colleges before graduating, you're well
grounded.

* If you spend 3 years as a brilliant community organizer, become the
first black President of the Harvard Law Review, create a voter
registration drive that registers 150,000 new voters, spend 12 years
as a Constitutional Law professor, spend 8 years as a State Senator
representing a district with over 750,000 people, become chairman of
the state Senate's Health and Human Services committee, spend 4 years
in the United States Senate representing a state of 13 million people
while sponsoring 131 bills and serving on the Foreign Affairs,
Environment and Public Works and Veteran's Affairs committees, you
don't have any real leadership experience..
* If your total resume is: local weather girl, 4 years on the city
council and 6 years as the mayor of a town with less than 7,000
people, 20 months as the governor of a state with only 650,000 people,
then you're qualified to become the country's second highest ranking
executive.

* If you have been married to the same woman for 19 years while
raising 2 beautiful daughters, all within Protestant churches, you're
not a real Christian.
* If you cheated on your first wife with a rich heiress, and left your
disfigured wife and married the heiress the next month, you're a
Christian.

* If you teach responsible, age appropriate sex education, including
the proper use of birth control, you are eroding the fiber of society.
* If , while governor, you staunchly advocate abstinence only, with no
other option in sex education in your state's school system while your
unwed teen daughter ends up pregnant , you're very responsible.

* If your wife is a Harvard graduate lawyer who gave up a position in
a prestigious law firm to work for the betterment of her inner city
community, then gave that up to raise a family, your family's values
don't represent America's.
* If your husband is nicknamed 'First Dude', with at least one DWI
conviction and no college education, who didn't register to vote until
age 25 and once was a member of a group that advocated the secession
of Alaska from the USA, your family is extremely admirable.

OK, much clearer now..."

Susan Buckley

-----------------------------

My friends, especially my Christian ones, don't let this happen. Don't be a single-issue voter. It's closed-minded to think that voting against abortion is your Christian duty. By itself it is not! Because every vote against abortion prolongs this quagmire America is in: highest poverty and unemployment rates in years. Highest percentage of uninsured. Highest number of home forclosures. Thousands dead overseas, tens of thousands injured and returned here. The death of diplomacy for issues abroad.

Lets face it, the "moral" candidate is not moral at all! Obama even has that card too.

/rant

Me

2008-09-24T23:50:00.004-04:00

Have you ever been overwhelmed with love? Ever felt as if you've been given too much desire, too much passion, too much need? Because if so, you're not alone. You're not alone in often feeling unfulfilled, needs and desires unmet. If we are similar, then we are different from most. Different yet all identical in our universal deficit.

Some say that religion is a crutch for the weak. I partially agree; however, I note the difference between a living, breathing relationship with God almighty and a lifeless system of rules, guidelines, and liturgical practices. I also understand that people aren't meant to be divorced from their natural fears, needs, or human faculties--such as the need to develop spiritually. When I need to be reassured in my purpose, I am simply being human. When I need comfort and strength to make it through the day, I am only attesting to the fact that I'm not meant to operate alone. Again, I am human. It's not the fact that we all need help that should be debated. It is where to seek this help, and I have found Him in the most profound way:

If you're like me--maybe you aren't, maybe you are--then you readily acknowledge that you in no way have it "together." I'm a mess, and at times I wonder why God even wants me. I'm an amalgamation of way too many contradictions and hangups, successes and failures in every arena of my life. But in the midst of my often near-debilitating confusion, I am reminded of my savior. I don't feel that genuine doubt is sin. I know that truth will stand against a barrage of lies and attacks. It may be weathered and chipped away at, but the core--the ever-eternal foundation of it all--it will not only remain, but become polished. Scrutiny refines truth. And I scrutinize my life often!

What is this that I live for?
Why?
Who?
Does it/he make my life better?
Am I happier than before?
Is it all worth it?

Truth stands up to this battering ram of inquiry. These are difficult questions that must be answered if you're like me. Life's too difficult, your emotions are too varied, and happiness seems evasive.

But while my brain swims in the pool of uncertainty, God calls for me. He promises peace. (Wow...peace. That word just sounds peaceful. It looks peaceful on the computer screen.) He promises rest for the weary, and I am indeed weary.

I wear myself thin trying to understand my situation. The reason for my circumstances, I may never find. The answers to my prayers: seemingly not there. So I battle back harder, stronger, longer...tougher and more determined to make sense of reality for me. No avail.

I can feel friendless
I can feel hopeless in my situation
I can feel overwhelmed in the love that I have with no outlet

Don't underestimate God's silence, his "no."
Because the second you become content with God's answer, whatever it is, you have received--what I believe--his peace. The beauty of the gospel isn't that people are removed from their problems or frailties. The beauty of the gospel is that God keeps believers here on Earth, enabling us to live through what was formerly tearing us apart. This is all grand theater! We are not the lead role; we are not supporting characters. Our lives, they are the scripts that should testify to God's amazing stage play, foresight and direction.

My doubt makes me human; my humanity keeps me humble
truth endures:
poverty
death
love
addiction
loneliness
fear
doubt
brokeness
...and Jesus enables you, through his strength, to become more than a conqueror. Because as it said, a conqueror defeats and defects, the job is done. But to be more than a conqueror--as the Bible calls believers--is to be given the ability to make beautiful the ugly in Jesus' name.

So I hide my problems not. My very existence testifies to God's greatness, his ability and desire to make strong the weak, and his consuming grace.

"He's too young. He's too hip....Negros always 'causing problems!"

2008-09-09T13:06:00.001-04:00

Obama "A Milli" remix!

The power of Jesus to transform lives and give victory:

2008-09-08T01:56:00.004-04:00

Below is a link to a 30 minute video clip. I encourage EVERYONE to set aside the time to allow its message to resonate. I was up pulling an all-nighter when I flipped across TBN during a study break. God had me up for a reason at five thirty in the morning! JoniandFriends was on, and Nick Vujicic's segment was playing. Both Nick and Joni are quadriplegics. Nick, however, does not have arms or legs--only a small foot appendage hangs from his torso. He was born this way.

What followed during the next thirty minutes had me in tears. I could not help but open up and let the joy flow through. I wasn't crying for Nick's condition, and he isn't looking for pity. I wasn't crying because I was sad about anything. I was crying because I got to see--perhaps for the first time--the most vivid and genuine, pure and exciting form of faith in God. This isn't the faith that I possess; it isn't situational, flimsy, or weak. Nick's faith was born of desperation, and only then can God transform his children completely into living wellsprings, holy temples, and pure witnesses. I cannot put it into words how this man (very near my age!) lives and breathes the will of God in his life. He has become more than a conqueror because he lives inside his circumstance and owns it for God. What the world would have aborted, God is using as a powerful testimony of his peace and love. It's attractive! It lures us out of our protective shells. Where does our ungratefulness it have to go after seeing this video? What about our lack of faith?! Damn. It's so beautiful, it's poetic! This is God being exhalted in the lives of those who consecrate themselves to him, trusting him for provision, love, and purpose. I can't even get my thoughts out coherently, and it's been nearly 24 hours.

Video Link - 28 minutes

I just want to get this across: If you have despair or doubt, anxiety or fear, cast it aside and love the Lord with all of your heart, mind, and body. He will complete us, just as he has done with Nick, and direct our paths for his glory. And for me, that is pure joy. It gets no better than this, Christian brothers and sisters!

Life

2008-09-07T02:07:00.002-04:00

Despite the Obamafest post that I just made, I simply don't have time to blog like I wish to! It's sad. I'm already swamped in classwork, and my job doesn't allow for much free time. So my posts will be far and few between--unfortunately. That is...assuming that anyone is a repeat visitor. I will post excerpts from my senior project pretty soon...but even sooner, I will probably post the ideas and thesis, hoping to get feedback.

2008-09-07T01:44:00.006-04:00

While I cringe at the thought of anything in McCain's private life, the Obama's fascinate me beyond the celebrity of Hollywood. They are the epitome of the power couple, a marriage of brains, beauty, sensibility, and the "it" factor. I will readily admit my small infatuation with Michelle and Barack. I'm not ashamed. Because they are the African American dream; they are the American dream. They seem extremely genuine as a couple, parents, and a family, and this is in high contrast to McCain's dark closet of "family values." While many people want to downplay "family values," I chose to perhaps overstate it's importance. A good family man is a man of strength, leadership, and most of all, INTEGRITY. I'm always reminded of the invisible wall separating the smoking and nonsmoking section in restaurants when people insist that there's a division between public and private life. "Not really," I say. One will inevitably spill over into the other. Integrity at home becomes integrity at work, and vice-versa.

I love the Obama's because of who they appear to be, but mostly because what they represent. So I borrowed a few pictures from blogspot and theblacksnob to emphasize--in pictures--the class, beauty, intelligence, and aspirations (audacity?) of our nation's First Black Couple.

Inspiring

Family-man

I wish Obama haters would appreciate the social change that he represents, the hope that he has already incited in millions of dejected voters and youths.

"What?! The president can play basketball? He educated and down? He looks like me."

Plus! They're freakin' super heros! Sent to save us from four more years of Bush....oops! McCain.

Christian's facing extreme persecution in India

2008-08-28T20:35:00.002-04:00

GospelfForAsia

If you follow the link above you'll be lead directly to a video address from the founder of Gospel For Asia, K.P. Yohannan. The situation in the State of Orissa, India is dire. The murder of an Indian leader of the Hindu Council and outspoken opponent of Christianity sparked what K.P. is now calling an ethnic cleansing of Christians. He noted that no government has spoken out about it, and my meager research validates his statement. The only news coverage this violence has seen has been Christian for the most part. I am sad. The accounts given in the link above make me very angry. Christians being slaughtered, houses and churches being burned down, women (some nuns) being raped...The only explanation is evil forces working alongside depraved man. Please pray for the Christian brothers and sisters, because I'm praying for my savior to come back and for the suffering to end. I will not be lulled into a false sense of security as my family is dying around the world. Stand up believers!

Frustrated thoughts

2008-08-24T02:29:00.005-04:00

Notice the time of this post. This is my life now, and I'm not upset about it. I just make note of the changes...that's all.

I had an opportunity to meet with a former pastor for lunch today (yesterday). You know that the days don't roll over until you hit the pillow, right? It was great seeing him, and we enjoyed a really great conversation. It's amazing to be around someone so knowledgeable, so zealous for God's glory, so spiritually mature. I'm encouraged by older Christians; they remind me to continuously push-the-envelope of my faith. Sanctification. It's a beautiful thing, and I get excited about acquiring a lifetime of God's correction, approval, and love. I probably sound weird.

Imagine reaching a critical-mass like point in your walk with God. All of the worldly stressors are gone. You live for your King, and his providence comforts you more and better than a million dollar bank account. Materialism is dead. Your treasures have been stored up in Heaven, giving you freedom. Love is genuine. No judgments, no preconceptions. You think less of yourself because God has revealed your true self to you more than you'd probably prefer. This isn't a utopian, merely conceptual, or theoretical model I'm aiming for here. I want this, and I want it soon.

"How" is the question I am forced to answer, and it's not a simple one. Questions stack on other questions. Doubts multiply and give birth to a deadly combination of cynicism and complacency.

"How can I become this MAN," I tiredly conclude. "What is a man, by the way?"

And at this point, I am certain that I cannot supply a sufficient enough answer. I know that God and his word point me in the right direction, but I also know that we are given living examples of saints, imitation approved.

"Already you have all you want! Already you have become rich! You have become kings—and that without us! How I wish that you really had become kings so that we might be kings with you! For it seems to me that God has put us apostles on display at the end of the procession, like men condemned to die in the arena. We have been made a spectacle to the whole universe, to angels as well as to men. We are fools for Christ, but you are so wise in Christ! We are weak, but you are strong! You are honored, we are dishonored! To this very hour we go hungry and thirsty, we are in rags, we are brutally treated, we are homeless. We work hard with our own hands. When we are cursed, we bless; when we are persecuted, we endure it; when we are slandered, we answer kindly. Up to this moment we have become the scum of the earth, the refuse of the world.

I am not writing this to shame you, but to warn you, as my dear children. Even though you have ten thousand guardians in Christ, you do not have many fathers, for in Christ Jesus I became your father through the gospel. Therefore I urge you to imitate me." 1 Cor. 4

This is such an amazing passage. Imagine receiving this letter from an apostle of Christ! He's bleeding truth; his heart is pouring out as he blood-lets and reveals his wounds and sufferings. Then he says, "Imitate me."

A man realizes that he is not an island and seeks help and encouragement. Perfection won't ever be achieved before Christ's return, and so our calling is to the battle, the struggle. A man fights to purify is entire being. He slips on a banana peel but he gets up. His feet are covered in mud and dirt, but he doesn't slow down. He's sweaty and tired but he refuses to give up and be sidelined. He won't let his buddies fall back either. He marches forward, clutched arm-in-arm with other believers, pursuing righteousness.

You gotta find someone who is living a life worth imitating. Find them and glean as much from their life as you can.

This is imperfect man, being perfected for and by God's will. A true man of God.

Busy Times

2008-08-21T01:27:00.003-04:00

I need to allow all of my digital friends/acquaintances/readers into my world, reliving the past few weeks. I've been busy. My full-time job got interrupted by my 18 credit-hour course workload. I'm dashing across the final stretch of my senior year, and I'm incredibly excited about the future! However, I need to finish my time as an undergrad with at least a 3.8 GPA in my major...so, yeah.

Understatement: I'm busy.

I have so many ideas running through my head right now. I want to talk/write about the whole Georgia, Poland, U.S., Russia thing; I want to share my insights about the shifting presidential election; but I need to focus on my studies, especially my senior capstone course. Senior Seminar works much like a graduate capstone course would. There are essentially two grades: a portfolio and a massive research paper. I'm excited about both! I have about two working topics right now, and I'm currently in the process of securing a panel of professors who will help, encourage, and assess my progress throughout this semester. Oh yeah! This is alongside my fourth foreign language class (Spanish 2002) and 4 other classes that I prefer to remain nameless--otherwise I'll get depressed...

Understatement: I'm busy.

There is hope however! Look forward to posts in the direction of my thesis. Perhaps I can get some insight and/or feedback from the internet crowd.

Here are some keywords that I'm working with:

Theology

Masculinity

Rite-of-passage

Pedagogy

Teaching Models

Black Men

Underperforming

Holistic Education

Spirituality

Somewhere in there, I feel, is my massive paper that will probably utilize these (working) sources and/or authors:

-Contemporary-

James McWhorter

Eric Dyson

James Baldwin

"Church History in Plain English"

"Wild at Heart"

Be excited!

Jesus: A Human Rights Activist?

2008-08-04T09:31:00.004-04:00

When the 2008 olympics were announced four years ago, the harsh realization of its location didn't immediately settle in. Beijing China supposedly is an amazing city. It's a the capitol of China, a sprawling metropolis of intermixed contemporary trends and historic ideals. Beijing is home to over ten million people, and China houses a large fraction of the world's population--over 1.3 billion! With all that prestige, China would make an excellent addition to olympic cities. Except one glaring issue: China is one of the largest, if not THE largest human rights violators in history! A cursory reading of any historic text on China will reveal the nation's many, many violations to human rights. I see religious freedom, freedom of speech, a just judicial system, and the right to life liberty and happiness as necessities that must never be denied. The People's Republic of China disagrees. I believe all of these things because I am American. I do not want China to mimic every part of American culture/government, but I believe that people with a free voice ought to use it for the voiceless. Many of those voiceless are a part of China's lower, working class--called "migrant" or "rural" workers.

In preparation for the public embarrassment that will be the 2008 olympics, many reporters have decided to make documentaries about life in China. A few weeks back one caught my attention, and I was/still am stunned by the candor and the pain of many rural workers. Not unlike India's Dalits, China's pseudo caste system essentially enslaves millions of people to extremely hard labor, excruciating work hours, low pay, and few personal rights. The reporter simply observed day-to-day life of many migrant workers, and the findings were not only revealing, but tough for me to watch. A group of young ladies--my age--were questioned about life in their district. Immediately three ladies broke down in tears. They all had to leave their rural lifestyle and families to venture out and make more money for their family's sake. So these ladies had much pressure on their shoulders. One lady apologized for her bad speech (She was speaking Chinese, not English). She stated that where she spends 10-12 hours of her day, at work, she is not allowed to talk. Because of this, and of how long she's been at the factory, her native language speaking skills were weak. Other ladies complained about the abusive work environments of factories. The pain in their eyes was visible. The labor toll on their bodies was visible. The mental damage will probably never be fully revealed.

I watched the three hour documentary. My heart sunk. It sunk because I readily acknowledge that the stories of this group of women are not at all unique. Suffering happens on such a large scale that it is incomprehensible for the human mind. Whether it's an apartheid, a brutal caste system or government regime, racism, civil war, war, sex crimes, sex slavery, human traffic-ing, a lack of human rights, suicide bombing, abuse, famine, hunger, or poverty, the human life has been devalued and lost its sanctity. It's been traded and bartered for. Money. Greed. Hatred. Strife. Intolerance. This procession of human depravity mars us all.

If a rational person were to weigh the full level of human suffering against the so called "progress" of mankind, he or she would find a deficit enough to depress and probably lead to suicide. Even for all of our progress, most people MUST turn their head and divert their eyes, otherwise the souls of the suffering will be forever burned into their retinas. Many choose to be naive. And many are, sadly, indifferent.

But praise God! Because God is not indifferent to human suffering. He knows it well, and has sent reinforcements! Galations 5:1 states that "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free." Paul's words are poetic and eternally timely. Mankind needs help--help on a cosmic scale. People need comfort and a hope, and not just a hope for the afterlife, but a hope to make it through this one with a sense of purpose and value, despite dehumanization. When the world has sold your humanity, Jesus has come to not only restore it, but to reinstate you as God's prized possession.

The greatest truths are universal.

The greatest fallibility of mankind is universal.

Sin

Renders us all inept and depraved,

Destroying others on the marching to the grave

Jesus came to break this cycle.

The pain is real; the hurt is real; and the need for a savior is real.

The Church and the naivete of "post racism"

2008-07-25T00:09:00.004-04:00

Here is my reality: race matters, and racism still exists on a large scale. In fact, race matters more than most are willing to admit, investigate, or even tolerate in their fantastic world of divine egalitarianism. As nearly identical as all humans are, we've allowed skin tone and outward features to socially construct our reality. Deep insecurities and greed, hatred and fear have replaced God's natural and beautiful order with fictitious hierarchies of who's dangerous, who's intelligent, who's worthy, and who is to be enslaved and dehumanized.

I read a book over the last few months that dealt with the tired issue of race relations, slavery, and America. The author of the book, however, remained objective in his search for true answers. He deeply researched into classicism. He deconstructed history. He studied and gleaned from all of the racially studious. And after decades of research, he completed his volume of work.
His findings were critical--as expected--and precise, shocking and offensive. "Racism in American never would've been 'racism in America' as we know it throughout the centuries if the church didn't fully comply, endorse, propagate, and authenticate slavery, white supremacy, and segregation."

A Christian who believe in notion of 'post racism' is either one of a few things, perhaps all: ignorant (not with the negative connotation of "stupidity"), naive, inconsiderate, or stubborn. And this applies to everyone of all races, especially to people who wish to quickly sweep racism underneath the rug as if it never existed.

The author of my readings noted the creation of the A.M.E. church as a strong leg in his argument. Many church denominations wouldn't allow slaves to worship, become members, or receive the sacraments. Some of them, if anything, allowed slaves to observe the services from outside the building or perched on the balcony, out of sight. And oh how I wonder what exactly many preachers taught about, how "God" justified their actions. But that's beyond the point. History is history. It is for us all to study, examine, and learn from, right? Well, finally some 'uppity' colored folks worked up the nerve to start their own denomination, complete with all of what the white man called "shenanigans and heathenish worship." Thus the African Methodist Episcopal church had its beginning. It remains the largest scar of segregation, pain, racism, hatred, inequality, and injustice. The nation saw that Jesus made no difference in regard to race relations.

The biggest rift perhaps the world has ever known was between the Jews and the Gentiles. Jesus conquered that. First century Jews worshiped the messiah, and many still do! Look at the entire book of Jonah. A Jew and a Gentile city--God bridging the two through his grace, with its ultimate expression being found in Jesus. Most early church leaders were Jews. Jesus was Jewish, and he engrafted all believers (Jews and Gentiles alike) into the Abrahamic covenant of salvation. So why does the A.M.E. still exist? Better question: Why does it have to?

I genuinely wish that it didn't have to. I wish we could be progressive enough to get beyond race and attending black, white, and hispanic churches. I hate those labels. I hate what they stand for and the divide they've created.

I just finished watching CNN's Black in America tonight, and I'm mostly impressed. It didn't turn out to be a 'gang up on blacky' town-hall meeting complete with useless witch hunt. Overall there has been excellent and balanced reporting. The CNN special prompted me to question a lot of my relationships with whites and blacks alike. The complexities, pressures, and hardships of being black and educated were studied with care in this documentary, especially from within the black community. It's tough trying to keep it "real," and apparently the rapper Plies has the definition of what's real on the streets. So life for me is a battle of combatting B.S. like this, and remaining true enough to myself while trying to not appear too "niggerish" to my friends. 15 years has given me plenty of time to learn to shift between life with much of my family (streets) and the college-educated crowd (elites).

I thought: Would I have been reached for Christ if I had looked like my cousin, dread locs, Jesus piece and all? Would the people who shared the gospel with me have invited me to church if I had on a mouth grill? What about my do rag? Did (DO) I have to be "white" enough to be accepted by my Christian friends?

Scary stuff.

What responsibility is it of ours--as believers--to combat racism and segregation within our own church, community, and friendship circles? Do we not see the beauty and power in a testimony wrapped in love for all of our brothers and sisters, regardless of race and class? Look at your circle of friends and it will reveal much about you--who you're closed off from and who you're comfortable around.

How on earth can we follow the great commission if we can't even clean up our own back yards?!

Penis Envy and the Fall?

2008-07-17T01:46:00.001-04:00

It represents virility and strenth. It commands power, and it's one of the most long-standing and coveted possessions since creation. Who can understand the lure of male genitalia? Freud believed that he had a good gasp on it. He labeled a young girls desire for what she lacked--a penis--as penis envy. Mostly, he noted, this desire has little to do with the physical gland but rather the power that it wields (the power of the men). Freudian premises have been updated, discredited, and lauded over the decades. Freud's acknowledgment of the female desire for power and control, however, overlaps with what the Bible teaches about gender roles and their adulteration after the fall of mankind.

It wasn't long before both the first man and woman screwed up before God. Adam was weak, and Eve was curious. These two set the modern stage that we all perform on, and we are seemingly reading the same script. In modern culture, it is commonplace to observe the devolution of masculinity and the empowering of the feminine. I wonder if women expect anything more from men than immaturity and one more child to mother--essentially becoming a single parent while wed to a moron. You can sample the local variety of pop culture sitcoms to view this absurd shift in expectations. Gone are the days when men were revered and cherished for their hard work and resolve. Men are now demeaned, undercut, and humiliated for their sexual desire and subsequent sexual inadequacy. This is entertainment for millions of families. God's design is being mocked. But is it all good humor, right?

Thankfully this topic has been researched and thoroughly written about. The following is taken from askmen.com,
----------------------------

"Whiskas
While men are regularly called dogs, Whiskas is comparing men to cats. In this worst male-bashing ad, a guy is lazing on top of a sofa. When company comes over, he slides down and asks his wife if they brought food. He finds out they haven’t and he slumps over the edge of the couch like he has an antisocial personality disorder. The message revisits classic male stereotypes: Men are simple, unrefined creatures that need to be given direction. This is similar to previous male cliches on sitcoms like Friends, Everybody Loves Raymond and Home Improvement where men were reduced to having three interests: sports, food and power tools. This worst male-bashing ad suggests men are still cavemen who just happen to live in houses. Watch and cringe."

"Dairy Queen
Meet the future man: a vacant moron ripe for manipulation. A young girl passes on an ice cream with her mom. The two sit down and a DQ employee gives her an ice cream, saying it’s from the young boy wearing “the donkey shirt.” She smiles at the boy and turns to her mom to say, “It’s like shooting fish in a barrel.” Insane. The idea in our No. 1 worst male-bashing ad is that guys are not only disposable idiots in women’s eyes, but they’re also idiots for trusting women. Forget that being trusting is a positive quality. Actually, the most disturbing portrayal of all is the little girl's arrogance and sense of entitlement. Warning: After watching, your awe may turn to anger; take a couple deep breaths before engaging in any further activity."

---------------------------

Watch "Everyone Loves Raymond" and even "John and Kate Plus 8" to comprehend what's happening here. The men have become children. Ray gets pushed around by his wife and parents. He absolutely does not have a brain. John gets condescended to often by his wife. You sometimes think that it's Kate plus 9. And these are just a two examples here. I overall feel that men have become what women want because we're mostly weak and women are now strong--that, and extreme laziness.

Ladies, if a man wants a second mother, run in the opposite direction! If a man is tethered to his first mother, run in the opposite direction! I warn you now because this is the state of many marriages. I see a mother and son relationship, not an adult partnership. The guy has check out, and the woman has stepped to the plate to raise her husband man child. Honestly, it pisses me off to see this mess.

The church and the household are linked, and it's my opinion that men first failed in the household and then failure in the church soon followed. Women outnumber men in church; women have more programs and ministries available (while guys can MAYBE gather once a week for Bible study). Really, the only leadership left is in the miniscule administration and pastorship. I don't know what to do about this problem exactly. But all that I know is that believers will have to buck society on this disturbing trend. Because society has low and few expectations for men: to behave badly, be over sexed, irresponsible, immature, and a moron. We have to demand more from our men. Not to become women "more," but to become MEN, because honestly, many of us are lost...

Women aren't solely victims, however. Men and women--we--are in this mess together. Men forfeited the headship, and women eventually accepted this reality, thus becoming the leaders they wanted in a mate. I wonder though.

Where is the encouragement? (Nagging does not count.)
The coming alongside and helping?
Prayer?

This issue affects individuals, families, future generations, and God's holy and perfect design.

--Just running thoughts

God? He's kinda boring, yeah?

2008-07-10T12:18:00.003-04:00

During this month, the hardest month of my life, I've been taken advantage of, had my heart broken and my feelings trampled upon, and have been desperate for God's intervention financially, emotionally, and spiritually. It's been a doozy, and it's not even close to being over, I feel. This is brokenness. But in the midst of pain and what the wold would probably deem as mild depression, God remains--he always does. I usually hate cliche sayings like, "God is teaching me a lot," and "I'm learning so much about __________ (insert anything from forgiveness to love, obedience to reliance)." I'm going to refrain from using them in an attempt to get much more personal here. Cliche Christian sayings are offensively shallow to me. They rarely offer any sort of encouragement, and aren't usually meant to. They're just said off-cuff and in passing really. This blog isn't about pretense, and I'm rarely a good student, waiting in eager anticipation to be taught a hard, life-altering lesson about some deep and sinful stronghold in my life. Nope. The #*@#'s painful, and sin has to be uprooted. So I won't pretend that God neatly made a lesson plan and taught me in one hour about myself: revealing sin, breaking me, and healing me up all nice and pretty like.

I want to be coherent about matters of my heart. They often pull at me and hurt, leaving me completely confused; they sometimes embolden me for action. My heart? Only God can understand. Because sometimes I hate how much I care, and I hate how much I long for what others simply do not want. A few days ago I literally was overtaken by all of my emotion. I can't explain it any other way. I saw a great betrayal in the lives of the people I knew and in my own life. It was so massive of a betrayal...it was so offensive...so repugnant.

Be appalled at this, O heavens, and shudder with great horror...my people have exchanged their [God] for worthless idols. -Jer. 2:12,11b

You know, it wouldn't be so offensive if they weren't God's people--if we weren't God's people. But the people I cried for are. I am. We've traded the riches of this universe for apathy and disinterest. And never has all of this hit me at once before one event a few days back. Imagine someone you love walking away from the faith--simply choosing to believe lies after starring truth in the face. I've never been punched like that before. The extreme emotions that I feel for people, for God, all came crashing down...and I had to let it go, and the selfish, image concerned, side of me hates the fact that I care at all. "Why can't I be numb," I cry out to God. "Why do I have to be around believers that don't care about you?" It hurts too much for my brothers and sisters (and even myself) to live for such worthlessness. I am not beating anyone up, and I'm not looking down on anyone...but I often hit my knees in distress alone, and it's lonely. So I cry to God, and I call out the lies just as they are, and I'm alone in my zeal for righteousness. I see too many blank stares. I can recall what non-believers say: "I doesn't take all of THAT to be a Christian." I can almost hear it from my Christian friends. My heart is often in pieces for them but also for myself! I'm often selfish in my pursuits. "Woe is me," I cry. "How can I be well-intentioned and selfish simultaneously?" I want to know that it was my Bible study that saved someone from the flames--it was my "hardwork" that helped someone to understand. The outcome is righteous and God-glorifying; however, my means weren't always pure. I was broken of that when my friend--despite what I wanted and all that I've said and done for the past few years--said "no" to God.

A people who won't listen to God. I'm around a people are desperately trying to save their own lives and get into heaven. Everyone can celebrate and joke about sin. Everyone can bond over worldly pursuits and knowledge. Everyone can get passionate about everything except the things of God. Simply put, God is boring. Apparently. "So is this ministry," I ask myself and God. The pursuit of personal piety, mixed with the tears for the lost, covered in the scars of chasing Christians who seemingly don't want to be? Man, Ezekiel must have been a mess!

"He said: 'So of man, I am sending you to the Israelites, to a rebellious nation that has rebelled against me...but the house of Israel is not willing to listen to you because they are not willing to listen to me, for the whole house of Israel is hardened and obstinate.'" -Ezekiel 2:3, 3:7

Paul WAS a wreck!

"I speak the truth in Christ--I am not lying, my conscience confirms it in the Holy Spirit--I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart. For I could wish that I myself were cursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my brothers, those o my own race, the people of Israel." -Romans 9:1-3

Ezekiel was sent to give his life away for what the world would gauge as a waste. God is telling him that the people will not listen! So why?!! Simply because it's not about the prophet at that point--God just needed obedience for His will to be done. Here's Paul crying out, hoping to be separated from God for his brothers' sake. Now that's anguish! That's hating sin.

To these two men, their lives were worth nothing without being found in Christ. Ezekiel undoubtedly loved the people he warned, but how many turned away and how many perished? It mattered to him a lot I can assume, but it mattered more to him to be obedient even beyond human logic. Giving his life away in service, trusting in God to do the heavy lifting. It wasn't in Ezekiel's strength. It was in God's. Paul toiled for the people he was willing to do more than physically die for. He served them out of such a genuine love for righteousness and a hate for sin.

I don't see this right now. I don't see it in the lives of my friends, and I don't see it in my life. It's almost like we've changed the channel on God. We don't do what these two men did! Heck, God is lucky if we give him 100% of our attention in church for an hour and a half!

Where have all the cowboys gone!?
Where have all the Christians gone?!
Beatitude type believers.

Dang. I want that for myself so badly, and I pray to God that I'm not alone.

Near Death Experiences: Skeptical much?

2008-06-23T13:46:00.003-04:00

Please watch this video with an open mind.

I felt weird when I first saw this video. I was filled with wonder, skepticism, and a bit of anxiety. I didn't know what to think really; I wanted to believe, but how could I? What makes this man's personal account any different from the many others? So I started to look for other NDE (Near Death Experiences) recorded on both youtube and Godtube. But out of all of my searching, Mickey Robinson's testimony proves to be the most authentic and believable.
I believe in evil. I believe in evil forces and deception. Like, for example, psychic mediums; I think it's real. All of that "other worldly" stuff, yeah, I subscribe. But! I believe that those forces are most likely malevolent, and I know it to be true when they attest to anything contrary to the revealed word of God. So when the famous psychic Sylvia Brown says she knows that Jesus didn't die on the cross because of her connection to the spirits, I scratch her and her statements off the book. Why? Because wouldn't it be the perfect crime to tell people that there is no judgement, or Jesus? Out of all of the connections with people beyond the grave, how many are crying out from hell and how many are "looking down with love" and are just fine? That, I believe is simple deception. Don't lose me here. I believe that God doesn't want us to be involved with that sort of stuff simply because it's malevolent and can easily lead to deception. Psychics, mediums, and that sort, oh...they're connecting with something, but I'm willing to bet that it's not well-intentioned dead people, rather evil forces. So here is my cosmic conspiracy theory. And what propels Mickey's account beyond my BS-o-meter is the seeming truthfulness of it all. Here is a man that should be dead, telling a story that appears scriptural and real--testifying about the gospel, repentance, and man's need for God. Can evil testify to the truth? I don't believe so.

But even if you still doubt, let's look at what he said:
-The spiritual realm is clearer and more real than this physical one.
-There is the absence of time; you become aware of eternity
-Logic and reasoning don't happen. You just know, and it's like a constant revelation
-The white light compelled him. It was everything that he wanted
-A dark void approached, and he knew exactly what it was: the absence of the white light that he wanted. The absence of the source of all life.

These are just a few notes that I jotted down, and even as I write them, they seem to ring true with everything I know/imagined/hoped/feared about what happens after this life. There are amazing messages in Mickey's testimony. For believers, his description is vivid and attests to something that we cannot wrap our heads around. Can you imagine being aware of eternity? Seeing and feeling the warmth of this compelling light of righteousness? And that river! It makes all of my worries of this life fade away! I can just imagine; my hair constantly being on end.
But just as amazing as Mickey's revelation of God and heaven is, his close encounter with being closed off from life is scary. So much so, that he can't stand anyone wishing someone else to go to Hell, not even mankind's most vile--Hitler. I never liked that phrase either. "Go to Hell" is about the most ignorant, offensive, and God insulting command to give someone else. 2 Peter 2:12 reminds me of this: "These men blaspheme in matters they do not understand." Hell, according to the Bible (and Mickey) is not what you want, and certainly nothing to wish upon anyone else.

So Mickey cried out in the most unpoetic, simple, and effective way. According to him, he just cried out for help. Towards the end of the video, he states that man is not good enough, and that recognizing that truth is key. "We need God," he concludes.

This video testimony helps move me beyond this physical realm of thinking. I get so bogged down about my debt and school loans. My lusts of my flesh, my wants, my needs. Anxiety steals away the preciousness of God's gift to me: today, salvation, and the comfort of his Holy Spirit. I believe there's much to learn from this. Simply day dream more. Day dream about heaven; occupy your time with thoughts of a time approaching when there will be no worries or pain. Dream about ultimate peace and righteousness. Dream about seeing and enjoying God. Imagine, us in eternity, looking back on the time we wasted caring about the things of this world! How sad. Love, serve, obey, and enjoy the Father. Because when the smoke clears, he's the only one worthy of the entirety of who we are.

This is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it.
Satan can't make the sun rise. He can't create each day to be unique and beautiful, so why give him the day, your time? Only God is worthy.

A Godly Shift?

2008-06-21T02:27:00.010-04:00

News flash: I'm a young evangelical and I'm supposed to vote republican. In case you haven't given this historical election much of your attention, Christians are already apparently spoken for. Yep. Our candidate picks for any election essentially boils down to a few "hot-bed" issues that have plagued well intentioned believers since before my birth 23 years ago. I write this post because I want an honest dialog about religion's role in politics. I reject the long fought battle of my parents, because simply, the side they picked is out of touch with emerging issues and losing the "culture war." I channeled news commentator, Billy O for that one. Who's to say that abortion is THE deciding issue for me? Why? And who said that the "sanctity of marriage" should be either?

I refuse to become a mindless Christian that wears his faith by adhering to old and unsuccessful methods of reaching the entire culture for Christ. No, I will not vote straight republican, and McCain won't get my vote by a long shot! I am a complex mixture of my race, my religion, and my political ideals, and champion anyone who's willing to step outside of imposed voting boundaries to think for themselves. Because my parents voted republican does not mean that I should. And because my friends defend conservative beliefs doesn't mean that I buy into them 100% either. I see a shift. It's been documented by more intelligent people with better writing skills and keener observations, but I wrestle my faith juxtaposed with politics, especially since I'm in a significant voting block this year. How will young evangelicals vote? Of course they care about protecting marriage, and they care about decreasing/ending abortion. But do they care more about our stewardship with the environment? How about ending a senseless war? What about a more generous healthcare plan that will insure insurance for the financially strapped? Is that what Jesus would want--a more socialist outlook? These questions need to be asked, and they need to be answered ultimately. But that should be up to the informed individual, not a group of peers, a church congregation, or parents.

I will make the statement that Barack Obama's positions represent more of what this young evangelical wants for the future. Aside from my racial ties with Barack...no screw that! He's half white too! But, you know, the one-drop of black blood rule still exists. It's unfortunate. But yeah, aside from this history of Barack Obama attaining the highest office in the world, he simply inspires me. I've been inspired not only to really get involved politically, but to push past the restraints of the term "evangelical." After decades of destroying the sanctity of marriage with obscene divorce rates, shouldn't "Christians" work on their blatant hypocrisy? How about updating antiquated beliefs with more inclusive ones? And I say this as a strict, Bible-believing follower of Christ. I believe that instead of holding on to this last bastion of hope--marriage--the church of Jesus should actively engage homosexual with love and truth. All of this, too, without the hateful picket signs stating that gays are going to hell and that God hates them. A new approach is needed, I feel. We shouldn't tell gays that they will adulterate God's order while we co-sign on the pornography, lust, and sin of Hollywood and our culture, break off our own marriages, and hypocritically attend church one day a week while living like hell for six others. There just isn't a good message in that. Sorry. Call me a dreamer, but I know that there's got to be a better way to reach the culture--because judgement and hypocrisy aren't hip.

Abortion is an issue that I'm having a hard time smoothing out. I'm a man against abortion. Imagine that-- cultural anomaly. When the culture says that it's a woman's right to choose, I believe that God has remained firm in just the opposite position. Now here is where Obama and I have real problems. He is against the partial-birth abortion ban. Now abortion is wrong, but partial-birth abortion is beyond vile. Partial-birth abortions are performed at 20 weeks or later! Sometimes they can be performed as late as six to seven months. The one thing that Bush got right was to ban this horrific and brutal method of murder-for-convenience. But has his legislation stopped any murders or simply forced would be mothers to rectify their "problems" earlier? And has it saved a soul from Hell? Can a bill do that? Unlikely.

It seems like the issues that Christians are willing to take to the grave are issues that don't directly deal with the underlying problems of society. Instead of reaching homosexuals, we'll just make sure they know that we strongly disapprove! (also, be sure to point your nose up and shake your finger. That'll show'em.) And instead of dealing with sex in a real and candid fashion, we'll simply force people to back-alley procedures through legislation. This is easier than approaching young teenagers about sex, and especially with loving and inviting a single mother into the congregation. I can see the stares and jeers now. How about ministry to those who've already had abortions? Who can really relate here? The church needs to! I know from first hand experience that many of these women (and men) suffer a lot of internal anguish. How about offering the peace of Christ instead of condemnation?

These issues are deep, and there are even more to cover: war, healthcare, world issues, famine, humanitarian responsibility, and more. So please don't let old beliefs dictate yours, because yours probably are better! A change needs to happen, and you may hold the key. Break free and think. It's not illegal yet.

I'll have a new car and a bigger home. Oh! And does that come with a lil' God on the side? I don't want him if he costs extra though.

2008-06-20T01:23:00.008-04:00

Every once and a while, I watch TD Jakes for a good laugh. I'm always
moved to an awkward laugh of humor intermixed with sadness and anger every time I view some televangelist selling/overpromising/compromising my faith as I understand it from the word of God. The mixture of emotions forces a release of praise to God--for he himself is about his glory, and it's not in our capacity to screw up his sovereign plan of redemption. That's what I praise him for; despite our abundant failures and the constant barrage of deception preached across the world, God is in it to win it. Indeed it’s already been won! But I'm speaking specifically of prosperity "gospel" and to any proponent of it. Prosperity "gospel" seems like a massive artifice that will most likely lead people down the broad path to destruction, self-destruction. "Gospel" is between quotation marks because the term is being redefined by many contemporary preachers.

I feel that the good news of Jesus has been deceptively exchanged for the good news of decadence. Yes! According to many, Jesus saved you so that you may display to the world the extreme luxury of his material gifts: new cars, bigger homes, bigger churches, financial stockpiling, etc. We're talking mega-churches here with parking lots identical to luxury car seller's. I recently heard that many of these pastors are under a federal money probe! I believe that these "pastors" have literally said "to hell with a 'hint of immorality'" And their lavish lifestyles have raised so many inquires that our secular government has stepped in to undoubtedly prove their extreme cases of exploitation and money laundering. Normally I'd be fine with crooks going to jail and justice being served. I honestly would. This time, however, more needs to be done. They have deceived the minds of the masses with the idea that material blessing is equivalent to spiritual blessing, and that giving money to God (and subsequently to them) places you into the cosmic lottery of high dividends and extreme returns. Parishioner + tithe + God = more money coming back to you! It's shameful for people to believe that God "blesses" us with physical excess to help make us complacent. I wrote about this over a year ago. On March of 2007, I read K.P. Yohannan's book, "Revolution in World Missions." His book forced a new, Biblical perspective onto me. Here's an excerpt from the journal entry prompted by truth:

"I’ve been punched where it hurts a lot -- Materialism. It’s so hard to define, it’s so hard to gauge...but believers have a command from God about it! I’d forgotten that I ordered a free book, “Revolution in world missions,” and it was waiting at home to change my life! Written by K.P. Yohannan, a Christian from India that started the Gospel for Asia agency, this book has challenged my faith!

"I hear my Christian friends...I listen to myself speak...and dangit if we don’t sound SAVED & WORLDLY at the same time. Our faith is so weak that we’re stressed about grades; our faith is so weak that we’re irritable and easily offended...full of pride. We aren’t content. Hoping for newer/better cars...and more luxuries -- longing for even more riches. I’ve become so materialistic...looking to the things that bring comfort and entertainment rather than seeking and enjoying God. I’ve been hit hard. When I remember this past summer in Thailand, and how poor so much of the country was, I regain a better perspective on my life and responsibility. I’ll tell you what...I don’t think that God placed his children in the wealthiest country in the history of mankind to become comfortable with luxury and worldliness. If Jesus were to come back and see our American churches...pumped with millions of dollars, expensive remodels, community centers and basketball courts...with souls not only dying in the front pews but also specifically our neighbors across the world...never knowing the name “Jesus” he would probably bust out the same corded whip he used in the gospel accounts. Have we become a church so dejected and isolated from what our Lord demands? We get involved in activities and look holy...we set up camps, cookouts, fish frys, retreats and whatnot...and yet somehow through this we escape the responsibility of the Gospel."

Every time that I hear a pastor preach on prosperity and money, my ears become extra alert, my muscles tense, and my mind cranks out 200% more cynicism. My fear is that we have--I have-- become so worldly in my perspective of God, provision, and blessings, that we’ve lost sight of the purpose of it all. His glory. God knows that I want a new car. I don't like feeling every bump in the road. I don't like my car's lack of power. I don't like how poor my gas milage is. However, God keeps me grounded in the fact that I have a lot compared to others. I read in 1 Timothy that Godliness with contentment is great gain. Great gain! We can't become fixated on the next best thing because that isn't our calling. What has God given you now, and how can you use whatever it is to serve others? These are the questions. If it's a car, then it's God's car. If it's a house, then it's God's house. If it's a great paying job, then it's God's paycheck. Do we want a new car so that we can floss our wealth, or do we want it so that we can pack more people in as we offer rides? Do we want a new home so that we can move away from undesirable people, or do we use our current home to house those in need? Does our great paying job make us feel financially secure apart from God’s superior provision, or do we offer our wealth to God for his purposes? I ask the question if our homes are a hotbed for hidden sin because--most likely--they are. I'm battling in order to make sure that Matthew 25:31-46 stays at the forefront of my mind. This passage is crucial to understanding service, I feel. This passage helps us understand sacrifice, but it also opens our eyes to see how blinded we can become to our 'religion.' I say that your home is most likely a hotbed of sin because it's where you keep your most prized possessions, the things that you value to most. We keep our stuff locked up and hidden away, and for good reason. We don't want to lose them to theft. That's understandable to a degree, but I have simple questions that will show you where your heart may be:

If there was a need for a house to be opened up, could you volunteer your space with your mind at ease? Whether the need came through the church, a distant relative, or someone you barely knew, could you share your chest of hard-earned possessions without feeling uneasy about losing them? Would you lock up all of your jewelry and put away all of your gadgets? Would you serve your house guest or make them feel like an imposition? Would you be on your knees to understand what God is wanting, or would you just long for things to go back to normal.
Hmm...for me, I know the answers.
And my house is indeed a hotbed
-My possessions are my prizes.
-My time is not the Lords
-My money is not the Lords

I’ve bought into the subtle belief that I’ve earned my status, my possessions. God? Well, he sat idly on the sideline as I amassed more and more stuff for myself. He had nothing to do with me finding a job. He had nothing to do with my provision. And if you don’t know, I’m being extremely sarcastic. The truth is that God is in control of every aspect of our lives, and that he can’t be pimped by greedy pastors or played for a fool by his “children.” If he gives it to you, believe that he did it for his glory. So think long and hard about that gated community, luxury car, and the HOLY American dream that many are now seeking. This road to destruction isn’t even paved with good intentions. It’s paved with greed, worldliness, and disobedience.
-------------------
bytheway: What happened to the beauty in modesty, contentment, service, genuine love, and godliness? As Christians, we aren't on the market looking for bigger and better. We have inherited it all--we have Christ. Man...as much as I disagree with the tenets of monastic life (separatism), I believe that they have a few things right!

Life 2 You and Me

NOT tha Bizness

Sadly forever and always Friday.

The Hole that Won't Stop Hurting

Solo Art Show!

The Cry

The Challenge

The Lead Up

Orphans and Widows

Shaping Who I am.

The Great Sin of Entitlement

Randomness

(PRO)(RE)GRESSION

Torture, Expediency, and Theater

Entertainment?

A Good Woman

Videos

• Dreams •

Knowing Your Purpose

"Isn't it going to get better?!"

Alone...going...gone!

Dual Allegiances

Direction for the Future

Ladies, what are you doing!

Imagine

[Not Worth Remembering]

I can feel it in the air...

At Least I've Been Consistent...

Thoughts on McNair's Death

My Gears are Grinded!

Mommy, Daddy? Am I a real man yet?

Blowing Bubbles

Where God Lives

I'm scared

This one right here...

"It's all in the music!"

"Stop treating sex like sammiches!"

Determined not to live in vain

Caylee vs. Katrina: 1-0

What to do about that shepherd's heart.

I'm still alive...just barely!

Frustration

A Shiver Over My Body!

Voter Suppression and Initimidation

Where is Jesus--the personhood of checks and balances.

Da Truth pt. 1

addthis_pub = 'jjacobo'; addthis_brand = 'Truthout'; addthis_options = 'reddit, digg, facebook, delicious, live, stumbleupon, myspace, google';

Desperation Makes for Dangerous Politics

A Yellow Rose

A Personal Hero of Mine...

It's official! The $*#& has hit the fan!

Alcohol

I'm angry. I'm scared. And nobody wants to address race.

Me

"He's too young. He's too hip....Negros always 'causing problems!"

The power of Jesus to transform lives and give victory:

Life

Christian's facing extreme persecution in India

Frustrated thoughts

Busy Times

Jesus: A Human Rights Activist?

The Church and the naivete of "post racism"

Penis Envy and the Fall?

God? He's kinda boring, yeah?

Near Death Experiences: Skeptical much?

A Godly Shift?

I'll have a new car and a bigger home. Oh! And does that come with a lil' God on the side? I don't want him if he costs extra though.